Dark Light
by just jacs
Summary: A glimpse into Sand's murky past. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter1 Dark Light**

**Hey this is just my version of why Sands is the way he is today. Please review**

**Disclaimer**

**It aint mine**

Sands sighed and ran a hand through his floppy hair. "What the fuck are you doing here?" he snapped as he opened the door to find his social worker standing on the steps.

"Sheldon please don't speak to me in that tone. I have come to speak with you that's all," Mrs Watson or Emma as she insisted he call her to keep things nice and friendly. Sands couldn't stand her. She had this annoying patronising tone that made him want to punch her.

Emma then walked in and made herself at home then produced his file notes. "Sit down Sheldon there are a few things we need to discuss," she said in an almost tired tone.

"I don't want to talk to you so why don't you just piss of back to the Home and go tend to all the other kids and leave me the hell alone," he hissed his eyes flashing coldly at her.

She sighed. "Sheldon you know I'm assigned to look after you until you turn eighteen so I'm afraid you're stuck with me for another year kiddo," she said in many respects the idea appealed to her as much as it did to him.

Sands had caused her a lot of works when he was assigned to her eleven years ago after being removed from an unsuitable home. When Sands first came to the home he didn't speak. Many therapists came to see him in an attempt to find out the reason behind it. Even from that age he had not responded well to the range of therapists and physiologists who spoke to him.

It was a little over a year before Sands finally spoke. Sands caused a lot of problems within the Home. He terrified the children with his aggression and violent temper. None of the staff knew how to control him, in truth they were all a little afraid of him.

Sands spent years in and out of foster homes. No one wanted to adopt him because he was such a difficult child.

Emma sighed again. "Sands you know the arrangement. If you don't control your temper and kerb your behaviour you'll end up back in the home, do you?" she asked gently.

Sands bit back a bitter comment. A cold chill ran through him They couldn't send him back there. He couldn't go back there. Sure he wasn't very keen of his foster family but there were a lot better than that home was. Sands had been moved from the home to a secure unit for teenage delinquents. Sands hated it there, there was no way he was going back there.

Emma saw his face and gave him a slight smile. "Does that mean we have an agreement?" she asked him hopefully.

"I'm not going back there," he said darkly.

"Then for God sake behave," she said wearily.

Just then Sands foster mother came in. "Oh hello Mrs Watson," Lisa said shaking her hand.

"Please call me Emma," she said with a smile.

Sands used this opportunity to slip upstairs. He flopped onto his bed sighing heavily. He couldn't deal with this shit just now. He picked up the phone and dialled a number. "Hey you don't mind if I come see you just now do you?" he asked not really caring what the answer was he was going anyway.

"Yeah that's cool, everything okay man?"

Sands hung up without answering. He slipped his leather jacket on and ran back downstairs. "Where are you going?" Lisa asked.

"Out," he said coldly slamming the door behind him.

He smiled when he saw Jason leaning against the wall smoking as he waited for him. "hey Sands want a smoke?" he asked when he saw him approach.

"Yeah," Sands said accepting the smoke and light from him. He stood silently beside Jason inhaling deeply. "You okay man?" Jason asked after a few minutes of silence had passed.

Sands turned to face him. "They're threatening to send me back to the home," he said bitterly.

"Shit," Jason said stubbing out his spent cigarette.

Sands took a few more drags of the cigarette before stubbing it out. "Tell me about it," he said.

Jason moved closer to Sands working his arms around his thin frame pulling him towards him. Their lips met and their tongues grazed hungrily together. Sands ran his hands through Jason's hair as he pressed up against his firm body.

Sands went back to Jason's where they sat in his room getting stoned and drinking a bottle of Jack between them. "Fuck me Sands your hot," Jason muttered as he stroked his hair.

Sand smiled as their lips met again. When he was with Jason was the only time when his life didn't seem like total and utter pointless shit. Jason pulled Sands top off pausing when he saw fresh marks on his arms. "Sands…" he muttered sadly his eyes meeting his.

"It's cool man," Sands said trying to dismiss it.

"Don't hurt yourself Sands," Jason pleaded.

Sands sighed. "It helps me cope," he said not quite meeting his eyes.

"Talk to me Sands anytime you feel like cutting talk to me, let me help," Jason said as he caressed Sands face.

Sand nodded and kissed him again. He didn't want to think about what he would do if he didn't have Jason.


	2. Love Hurts

**Chapter2 Love Hurts**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews please keep them coming they really mean a lot!**

**Disclaimer**

**I don't own a thing!**

Sands kissed Jason passionately. His hands roamed his skin with a burning desire. Jason ran his hands through Sand's hair. "You know what would be really sexy?" Jason muttered his breath inches from San's face.

"What baby?" Sands muttered his eyes shut as he leaned against him.

"If you got your tongue pierced," Jason said grazing his tongue with his own.

Sands chuckled. "You think so?" he asked in a sleepy relaxed tone that only Jason could bring out in him.

"Hell yeah," Jason said flashing his tongue ring to Sands. Sands had always loved the stud in Jason's tongue it gave his passionate kisses an extra amazing sensation that drove him wild for him.

Sands smirked. "You'll need to come with me, hold my hand, make me feel secure," he said in a low seductive tone as his fingers brushed Jason's groin suggestively.

Jason gasped in pleasure as Sands did this. "No need to go anywhere," he said groaning in pleasure as he felt himself harden under Sands seductive touch.

"How's that then?" Sands asked as he reluctantly pulled his hand away so he could light another cigarette. His mind wasn't quite as alert as it usually would have been due to his intake of drugs and alcohol. He wasn't really grasping what it was Jason was getting at.

"I love that little confused look you get on your face," Jason said smirking as he kissed Sands lips.

"Not confused just thinking," Sands protested he hated when he was seen not to be totally aware of what was going on around him.

"Whatever you saw," Jason said dismissingly. He wasn't in the mood to enter into a battle of wits with Sands. "Anyway like I was saying we don't need to go anywhere. I'll pierce it for you," Jason said smiling.

"What come on man don't talk shit," Sands said warily.

Jason laughed. "Trust me Sands it'll be fine I know what I'm doing. Come on it'll save you money this way and I get to rub you better afterwards if you get my meaning," he said.

Sands bit his lip for a moment then nodded. "Right okay…lets do it," he said though he couldn't say he was feeling all together relaxed about the idea.

"Right we need an apple, ice, a nail and a shit loada vodka," Jason said giving Sands another quick kiss before getting up. Sands sat back on the bed waiting for him to come back. Sands burst out laughing when Jason came into the room his shirt bulging. "very subtle Jas," he said sarcasm lacing his words.

"Shut the fuck up," Jason answered.

"How fucking stupid are your parents if they didn't even notice you walking out the room like that?" Sands asked an almost evil smirk forming on his lips.

"They're sleeping so you need to not make a shit loada noise when I do this," Jason warned. "Infact maybe you best just take a big swig of this before I start," Jason said passing Sands the bottle of vodka.

Sands took the bottle from Jason and drank. "Right that's enough man. It would help if you were conscious during this," Jason teased taking the bottle from Sands. Jason handed Sands a piece of ice. "put that on your tongue and that will numb it. With the ice and the shit loada booze we've had you won't feel a shitting thing," Jason told him.

While Sands held the ice on his tongue Jason sterilised a nail using his lighter and dipping it in some vodka. When he was finished he turned back to Sands. "Does it feel numb yet?" he asked.

Sands nodded. Jason gave Sands the apple. "Take the ice off and put your tongue on the apple," he instructed.

Sands did as he was told. Jason knelt in front of Sands with the stud in one hand and the needle in the other. He took a deep breath and plunged the nail into Sand's tongue. Blood poured from Sand's mouth. Jason quickly got the stud in. "Here swirl some of this round your gob so it don't get any infections," Jason said thrusting the bottle of vodka into Sands hands.

Sands did as he was told when he spat it out it was crimson. Jason was starting to panic as Sands began to slump against him as blood poured from his mouth.

"Shit Sands don't do this," he said fear lacing his words as Sands went limp in his arms blood flowing heavily from his mouth.


	3. On the brink

**Chap3 On the Brink**

**Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews please keep them coming.**

**Disclaimer**

**I own nothing.**

"Shit, Sands come on wake up," Jason muttered frantically as Sands parlour turned a sickly grey colour as blood poured from the piercing. Jason lay Sands on his side so he wouldn't choke on the blood.

He didn't know what to do. Sand's breathing was growing shallow. Jason felt Sand's wrist frantically attempting to find a pulse. He let out a slight sigh of relief when he managed to find one although it was very faint.

No matter how many times Jason called on him Sands didn't come to. As Sands seemed to be slipping further and further into unconsciousness Jason knew he had to get his parents. He couldn't let Sands die.

"Sands just hang on in there," he whispered kissing his pale cheek as he ran out the room to get his parents. "Mom, dad you need to wake up," Jason yelled bursting into the room.

"Jason what ever is it?" his mom asked as she was shot awake by her son's frantic cries.

"It's…it's Sands. You have to come," he said tears threatening to fall as he saw images of Sands lying on his bed blood streaming from his mouth.

"What about him. What in the world can be so wrong that you-"she stopped dead. Jason had dragged her towards her bedroom bursting open the door bringing Sand's limp and drained figure into view. "Oh my Lord what happened to him?" she said as she quickly approached him. Then her eyes fell on the half empty bottle of vodka on the floor next to the bed and the blood stained nail. Chills ran through her, surely her son wouldn't have been so stupid. Deep down she knew it was unmistakably clear what had happened.

She felt quickly for a pulse. She found one but it was fainter still than when her son had found it just minutes earlier. Jason watched in anguish as his mother checked Sand's body for signs of life.

"Have I killed him?" he yelled.

"Not yet you haven't not be quiet," his mother answered as she grabbed the phone to phone an ambulance. Jason bit his lip hand unable to take his eyes off Sands. He wanted to take him in his arms and kiss him softly but he knew he couldn't not with his mom in the room.

His mom then went on to phone Sand's foster parents. Just as she was hanging up the wail of the ambulance's siren could be heard outside. "I'm coming with you," Jason said instantly.

"No you're not," Elizabeth answered. "His parents are meeting me at the hospital. I think it's best if you stay here," Elizabeth said in a more gentle tone when she saw just how upset her son was. She went downstairs to greet the paramedics. "this way," she said running up the stairs, the paramedics hot on her heels.

Jason seemed to standing in a kind of trance he had finally let a few tears fall, they were steadily flowing faster and faster.

The paramedics ran past him to get to Sands. They too checked his pulse and then put an oxygen mask oven him then loaded him onto a stretcher. "Are you his mother?" a paramedic asked.

"No I'm not his parents will be meeting us at the hospital but I'll come with him in the ambulance if that's all right," Elizabeth answered her voice shaking a little. Although she was at times a little concerned about the bad influence he could be on her son part of her that couldn't help but feel sorry for him.

"Of course," a paramedic answered as they lifted Sands down to the ambulance closely followed by Jason and Elizabeth.

"What is going on?" Jason's father asked worriedly as he stood at the door as the paramedics rushed past him.

"It's…Sands, I'm going to the hospital with him just now stay here with Jason and I will explain it to you when I get back," Elizabeth answered as she threw a long coat on over her nightwear.

Jason bit down hard on his lip as he heard them leave. He glanced quickly to his father then went into his room he really didn't feel like talking to anyone right now he just wanted to be left alone. How could he have been so stupid? Please be okay Sands he repeated over and over again as if somehow hoping the more he said it, it would somehow come true.

All he could think about was what they were doing to Sands right now. It suddenly occurred to him that if Sands woke up he might hate him and never want to speak to him. As much as he hated that thought he wouldn't blame Sands if that was what he did, Sands could die because of him and it was all his fault.

"Son, would you come out here," his father called knocking on the door.

"No just leave me alone!" Jason yelled.

His father sighed and against his better judgement left his son alone, for the time being at least.

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Elizabeth was greeted at the hospital by Lisa and James. "Where is he what's happening?" they asked urgently. Elizabeth was just about to respond when a doctor came out of the room where they were tending to Sands.

"Are you the parents?" the doctor asked his tone and expression unclear.

"Yes we are how is he?" they asked urgently. Elizabeth stepped back a little to give them some privacy. She also couldn't help feel guilty. How could she not have known what was going on under her own roof until it was too late?

The doctor ushered them into the treatment room shutting the door behind him. "We have stopped the bleeding in time but there are some other issues that I feel we need to discuss," the doctor sail solemnly.


	4. When is a lie a kinder gesture?

**Chap4 When is a lie a kinder gesture?**

**Thank you so much for the wonderful review please keep them coming. **

**I had my last exam today (thank God) and I got accepted for an interview for primary teaching at Strathclyde University on the 16th of March!**

**Disclaimer**

**It aint mine.**

Lisa and David sighed as they looked at Sands on the bed. They exchanged knowing glances to one another.

The doctor misread their glances as a shared concern for their son. "Sheldon will be alright. His tongue is very inflamed and he had lost a lot of blood. However we think we have managed to stabile the condition in time. We will need to keep him in here for a few nights observation. He will need a lot of rest and a course of strong antibiotics and painkillers to ward off any infection that may have set in or be threatening to set in. Oh and it may also please your son to know we may also be able to salvage the piercing," he said smiling ever so slightly.

Lisa and David nodded slowly. They turned their gaze away from Sands and turned to face the doctor. The doctor couldn't help but noticed that their movements seemed to mirror one another. He had a feeling they had something on their minds that they had discussed earlier perhaps even on their way to the hospital. "You said there were some other issues that we needed to discuss?" David finally asked.

The doctor's slightly smiling face turned serious at his words. "Yes that is correct. I feel it is best we discuss this issue in my office. The nurses and doctors will look after Sheldon and know to page me immediately if there are any changes," he said gently. Dr John Rey was a kind elderly doctor who held a genuine concern and general liking for all patients under his care. He was not looking forward to having this discussion with Sheldon's parents although he knew it was something they had too know and not telling them could put the boy at a further risk..

Lisa and David followed him to his office. When they were all seated at his office he offered them tea or coffee which they declined. "Now Mr and Mrs Hanson please try not to be too worried by what I am about to tell you," he started.

David and Lisa waited nervously for him to go on. Deep down they knew that what he was going to say was going to confirm what they had already decided although they hadn't said anything to each other they both knew they were thinking along the same track.

"While we were treating your son we noticed he has deep cuts in his arms. He also has some scarring along with some old and fresh wounds. These marks clearly indicate that your son has been self harming. Now before you get too upset there is no proof to confirm these marks on your son's arms are the cause of self harming. Although I have to ask, is there any reason you can think of that may given your son a reason to harm himself?" he asked gently. Doctor Rey knew just how difficult it was to hear that their child is deliberately harming themselves not to mention being asked to think of a possible reason behind it.

Lisa sighed heavily. "As you have already seen from his file we are Sheldon's foster parents. He has had a bad up bringing a lot of it he doesn't even talk to us about," she said quietly.

Doctor Rey nodded. "Perhaps some therapy or counselling may help him. Another reason as to why I am suggesting this is when we tested Sheldon's blood the results showed he had dangerous levels of alcohol and cannabis in his blood. The alcohol made the tongue piercing a lot more dangerous as alcohol thins the blood making any kind of blood loss a lot more serious and dangerous," he added.

"If you could just sign this form I can begin to arrange a councillor to come and see Sheldon as soon as he feels strong enough," Doctor Rey said placing a form and a pen on the table in front of them.

They remained silent for a moment sharing more nervous glances. "We are sorry doctor but we have being giving this a lot of serious thought and we have decided we are unable to give Sheldon the level of support he is clearly in need of. We got in touch with his social worker yesterday. Sheldon will not be returning home to us once he is released from here. He will be sent to a secure unit for juvenile delinquents. All of Sheldon's medical care will need to be taken up with them," she said passing a card with the contact details to Doctor Rey.


	5. Where is home?

**Chapter5 Where is home?**

**Sorry about the slight delay in an update anyway here is the next chapter. As always please review**

**Disclaimer**

**As always I own nothing.**

Everything was arranged. Sheldon was to be moved to the secure unit for juvenile delinquents the following morning. Emma was phoning to confirm the final details. "Has Sheldon been released from the hospital yet, is he aware of what's happening?" Emma asked. She couldn't help feeling a little sorry for him. Sheldon had never been loved in many respects it pained her to move him to the secure unit. She tried to tell herself it may be the best thing for him. She knew Sheldon had a lot of issues that his current foster family were not able to deal with. The secure unit may be able to address some of these problems but they wouldn't provide the other thing she knew Sheldon needed, love. What he really needed was a loving family who were willing to take him into their home and love him. She knew that was never going to happen now given he was seventeen.

Emma sighed when she thought back to some of the things she had read in his file. Sheldon had never been loved. It pained her to think of all the horrors he had been exposed to at such a young age. Deep down she knew no matter how much help, love and care anybody gave him it would never be enough to erase the horrors of the first six years of his life.

"Yes he has been released from the hospital though he doesn't yet know what's happening," Lisa answered pulling Emma from her thoughts.

"You have to tell him Lisa," Emma said gently. She knew it wouldn't be an easy thing for Lisa to tell him or for Sheldon to hear but she knew it would be kinder to him in the long run than not telling him and just moving him without any kind of warning.

Lisa sighed. "I know I'll tell him later, he's upstairs with his friend just now I'll tell him when he goes home," Lisa answered.

"Alright call me if you have any problems but if not I'll see you tomorrow morning," Emma said hanging up as her mind cast back to the day she came to Sands house to remove him from his family, if that was what you could call these people. One of the biggest rules of Emma's job was not to allow yourself to become emotionally involved but you would have to have been totally heartless to not have allowed yourself to feel something upon arriving to that home.

_Emma walked up to the door she could hear the screaming and shouting as she walked up the path. She had been warned by her boss who had allocated the job to her that it was a difficult case. She felt her stomach churn as she knocked the door and waited for an answer. _

"_Yeah?" a thin man with greasy black hair snapped when he opened the door. _

_Emma took a deep breath. "My name is Emma Watson I am from…" she was cut off as he went to shut the door in her face but she managed to put her hand out just in time to stop him. "My name is Emma Watson. I am from the social work department. I have a warrant which gives me the authority to remove a Sheldon Jeffery Sands from this household," she said managing to push her way into the house._

_The smell smacked her straight in the face as she walked in. The scene was disturbing. There was mess everywhere, empty bottles and cans everywhere, drugs and cigarettes scattered across the floor. She had seen many places like this so it didn't have the strong effect on her that it used to though it still wasn't the nicest of places to be._

_She felt her stomach not when her eyes fell onto a small boy in the corner of the room. "Get the fuck outta my house you fucking posh stuck up cow," he raged at her._

_Emma ignored him and walked slowly up to the boy. He had whip marks across his back and had marks over various other parts of his body. Emma didn't like how taunt and pale his skin was. The closer Emma got to him she noticed he was trembling badly._

"_Fine take him I don't give a shit he's a pain in the fucking arse anyway!" he hollered._

"_It's alright," she whispered helping him to his feet. They walked slowly to the car. He was clearly badly injured he was struggling to walk and was making pain filled gasps that made her heart break for him. _

_She got him into the car. "Everything's going to be alright," she whispered to him as she drove him away from that awful place._

Emma sighed had she really helped him at all? Could anything help him?


	6. Just out of Reach

**Chapter6 Just out of reach**

**Thank you, for the wonderful reviews please keep them coming.**

**Disclaimer**

**Sadly for me I know belongs to me**

Jason lay next to Sands on the bed. "Christ Sands I'm so fucking sorry," he whispered He still couldn't believe how close he had come to killing him. It didn't matter how many times Sands had tried to assure him that he was fine and told him to stop worrying about it he just couldn't stop the guilt eating at him.

For the first time in his life his mother's words over ruled all others, including Sands something he didn't think was possible and in this case he wished it couldn't be true.

_Jason ran downstairs the second he heard the front door shut indicating his mother had returned home. Jason advanced on his mother. "How is he?" he demanded before his mother had even the chance to begin to remove her jacket she had put on over her night clothes hours before._

_Her eyes narrowed in on him. "To answer your question I have just been informed that he will be fine," she said wearily. Relief washed over Jason when he heard that although it was still tinged with guilt, it was his fault Sands had been on the brink of death in the first place. _

_His mother stared coolly at him as if reading his thoughts. "As well you might look relieved Jason Alexander Sykes. Do you have any idea just how lucky you are you did not kill him tonight? How on earth could you have been so bloody stupid?" she screamed._

_Hot tears pricked at his eyes. There was no way his mother could understand just how he was feeling right now. He was the only person Sands had ever trusted and what had he done to honour his trust? He had almost killed him. Even although he knew Sands was going to be okay he knew he would never forgive himself for this._

_Jason tossed and turned all night trying to sleep but he couldn't. Every time he shut his eyes images of Sands slumped on his bed with blood pouring from his mouth in frightening amounts._

"_Can I go see him?" he asked his mother the next morning._

"_No you may not." She said firmly._

"_Why? You can't do this…" he said with more attitude than was wise to use with his mother._

"_You can drop that tone for a start! Given the circumstances I just don't think it is the best idea," she said softening her tone a little when she realised just how upset her son was._

_Jason could only nod. Sands was in a hospital bed, it was all his fault but he wasn't even going to visit him. How must Sands be feeling? Would he think he had left him? That was the last thing he wanted. He wanted to be by Sands bed. Even if Sands told him to duck off he would go but he just wanted to let Sands know he hadn't left him nut his mother wouldn't allow it._

Sands sighed, "It's cool forget about it. If I was pissed at you, you know as well as I do I would have made that very clear to you," he told him.

Jason smiled slightly then nodded. He knew Sands was right. There was still an element of guilt within him that would take a while to fade, if it ever did.

"I'm gonna guess your mom and dad don't know you're here, do they? I am going to assume and I am going to guess their phrasing was something along the lines of, given the circumstances your father and I, or mother and I depending on who was doing the talking think it is best you don't see him anymore. We know it isn't his fault but given his upbringing and… " he trailed off feeling he had made his point.

Jason sighed. "Look Sands, my mom saw the vodka bottles and could smell the drugs. She's seriously pissed at me for what I did to you. You know…"

Sands cut him off. "So is this what this is? Your last visit or are you going to disobey the orders of mommy and daddy?" he asked trying to keep the bitter sarcastic tone from his voice. Sands wasn't upset with Jason directly. He was upset with the whole situation. He should have known this would happen, it was the kind of thing that always happened to him. Every time Sands let himself get close to someone, maybe even begin to trust them something always happened to drive them away from him.

"No Sands, Christ Sands don't even think like that. Do you really think I am gonna just stop seeing you just because my mom and dad said I can't, especially now that you have an amazingly sexy tongue piercing?" Jason asked moving to kiss him.

Sands smirked a little them met Jason's lips. He let his tongue play with him, using his newly acquired piercing for maximum effect. Although Sands would never admit it he was happy that Jason wasn't willing to give up on him quite as easily as everyone else had.

"That's good to know," Sands answered as his hand slipped up the inside of Jason's thigh lingering teasingly just below the area of maximum pleasure. Sands looked up at Jason a smirk playing on his lips.

"You are a fucking tease Sands," Jason moaned.

Sands smirked as he continued to tease him. "I know," Sands told him.

Sands kissed Jason again, He kissed the tip of his tongue so the tongue ring played with Jason's mouth as it grazed his tongue and teeth. Jason kissed Sands with an increased passion as he did this.

"Like I said there aint no fucking way I'm leaving you man. Even if we have to be like fucking Romeo and Juliet," Jason said smirking.

Sands smirked and cocked his head a little. "Romeo and Juliet? Didn't have you down as the major soppy romantic there Jas. Don't tell me you've read the play. I'm gonna bet you cried am I right?" he asked teasing him ruthlessly.

"Shut up Sands you know what I mean," he said blushing slightly.

Sands laughed when he saw Jason blush.

He kissed him again. "You might be fucking sexy Jas but you aint getting me in no tights speaking yon olden times shit savvy," he said smirking. Sands was feeling a lot calmer and happier than he had for a while.


	7. Stacking the Odds

**Chapter7 Stacking the Odds**

**Sorry about the delay in this update, a combination between school work and writers block. Anyway I'll shut up and write.**

**Disclaimer**

**It's not mine**

Sands lay on his bed smoking after Jason left. He was contemplating getting up to get something to eat but he couldn't be bothered. He felt quite content at the moment. Sands was feeling rather at piece with the world, a feeling that was totally unknown to him.

He felt the urge to sleep overwhelm him. He made himself sit up; he wasn't going to allow sleep ruin this usual almost out of character good mood. It wasn't that Sands had a negative perceptive of the world by choice. Sands had been given very little chance to see the good of the world. Nothing had ever really been given to Sands, he had to fight for everything. The world through Sand's eyes was a very dark and cold place.

Sands couldn't remember very much about his childhood although it somehow still managed to torment him. Anything that he did remember he forced himself to push from his mind. When he slept he was unable to fight off the nightmares or rather the memories.

He yawned and dragged himself from his bed so he could go downstairs and make some, strong black coffee. Part of him wished he could just left himself drift off into a peaceful sleep to match his current mood but he knew there was no way that was going to happen so there was no point wishing it would.

When he reached the bottom of the stairs he stopped dead in his tracks, something was wrong. He could sense it straight away by the way her "mom and dad" were looking at him. "What's going on?" he demanded.

Lisa sighed. Sands may have caused her a lot of problems; she knew she and her husband were simply not able to give Sands the help he needed. She knew she was doing the best thing for him she couldn't help feeling a little guilty with a small part of her wondering if she was just trying to tell herself she was doing the best thing for him to stop herself feeling so guilty.

"Well?" Sands repeated coolly after a few minutes had passed with no answer. Sands breath caught at the back of his throat when he saw Emma sitting in the corner of the room. The realisation clicked in, he was being kicked out again.

A cold feeling ran through him, he couldn't go back there he wasn't going back there! He hated them, he fucking hated them. Although in a way he wasn't surprised he should have known they were going to throw him out. That cold sinking feeling of feeling totally alone was returning. The only think stopping him freaking out there and then was Jason.

After another agonising two minutes of silence Emma realised Lisa was in no state to handle this situation. She knew it would be for the best if she just got this over with. "Sheldon I'm going to have to ask that you come with me," Emma said in a gentle but non patronising tone.

"No, no you can't fucking do this you bitch," Sands yelled backing away from her.

"Come on Sheldon don't make this any harder than it needs to be," she warned firmly but gently. Emma saw that Lisa was about to speak. She shot her a look that clearly indicated her not to. She knew that anything Lisa said would more than likely make things worse.

"No point sitting there acting like you give a shit. Don't bother trying to tell yourself you might actually care. Just admit it you can't wait to get me out of here. Your lives will be so much easier once I'm gone," he hissed.

Lisa just let out a choked sob which earned her a scornful look from Sands.

Lisa lead him out to her car silently

Sands couldn't be bothered fighting. He got into the car silently. He let his hair fall into his eyes as he looked out the window. He saw Jason staring at him and shouting something at him.

"Stop," Sands yelled at Lisa as she began to drive away.

"No Sheldon, come on now," she said clearly not understanding why he wanted her to stop or maybe she did, either way he knew she had no intention of stopping the car.

Jason watched as Sands sped from him what was going on? Sands was leaving, why hadn't he told him? He stood staring at the road not able to take it in.


	8. Darkest Hour

**Chapter6 Darkest Hour**

**Once again I'm sorry about the delay in this update. I've just had so much preparation to do for these teaching interviews. I've my first one tomorrow in Edinburgh I'm really nervous. Once again can I beg you to review?**

**Disclaimer**

**If I owned anything I wouldn't be writing a disclaimer now would I?**

Sands stared at the building before him, he couldn't do this. Why was this happening to him again? He couldn't freak out, he couldn't let her see him freak out. He couldn't show his weakness. Was it weakness that brought him here again? He wasn't sure but he planned to make sure he never showed a sign of weakness again.

"Come on Sheldon," Emma said gently. Although she would never let it show her heart was silently breaking for the poor boy before her. He may have felt a need to grow up a lot faster because of his situation. Part of her believed he grown ups didn't hurt as much as children. The only thing he had perhaps gained from this was he had mastered to a greater degree of most adults was the ability to hide the hurt people had caused him.

This was something she had to put a stop to. It wasn't good for him. She had to get him to face the things that upset him and confront him. She knew if he didn't get the help he needed soon he would go off the rails perhaps to an extent where he would be beyond the realms of the help she so wanted to give him.

"No," he snarled. He wasn't going there. She couldn't make him. Deep down he knew he couldn't stay in her car but it was all he had for now.

"Please Sheldon. Come on you know this isn't going to make any of this any easier on yourself if anything you are only making it more difficult," she said pleading with him to get out the car.

"I'm not getting out and don't even think about touching me or I'll have you done for assault," he yelled as she moved closer to him in an attempt to guide him from the car.

Emma sighed what was she going to do? She couldn't drag him from the car but she couldn't leave him there. She was about to try and persuade him again when she heard a voice from behind her.

"Is there a problem Emma?" he asked

Emma turned round to face the man who had spoken. "No, no everything's fine," she said. She didn't want to make a big thing about this she knew that would only make Sands more upset.

"Get away from me! I'm not going in that fucking place," Sands yelled.

"Sheldon sshh," Emma begged. The doctor was looking suspiciously at them.

He refused to silence inspite of Emma's best efforts. He was getting more and more worked up. After he began to turn aggressive to a stage that it looked as if he was about to attack Emma the doctor finally intervened.

"That's it!" he said taking a step forward. "Right son that's enough of this," he said firmly.

"Don't you call me son you're not my fucking father!" Sands roared.

The doctor made a move to remove Sands from the car but Sands was faster. He kneed the doctor in the crotch sending him sprawling to the ground rolling around in agony.

A few other doctors saw this and ran to his aid. Emma was cast aside. They all ignored her pleas as she tried to explain to them that this wasn't going to help Sands. Sands struggled, kicked and punched as he was dragged out of the car. "I've had enough of this," a doctor muttered after receiving a harsh kick in the shins. He produced and injection.

"No!" Emma said. "Please understand this is not helping him!" she protested.

"Don't touch me with your fucking drugs!" Sands yelled lashing out all the more violently that the doctors struggled to keep a hold on him.

The doctor pushed the needle into Sand's neck. After a few more minutes of weakening struggling he fell limp so the doctors were able to carry him into the building.


	9. Terror of not understanding

**Chapter9 terror of not understanding**

**Hey thanks for the reviews. Please keep them coming.**

**Disclaimer**

**I own nothing**

Sands stirred. Where was he? His mind felt groggy and fuzzy. At first he thought maybe he'd done too many drugs and drank too much with Jason the night before. He slowly opened his eyes expecting to find to find Jason next to him. He wondered if he had any idea what they had done the night before because he remembered nothing.

"Jas?" he started opening his eyes. He bit back a gasp that threatened to escape him. He was alone in a small room and seemed to have a number of drips and needs attached to him. "What the fuck?" he cursed trying to move but his body didn't seem to want to cooperate with his mind. What the hell was going on? He thought to himself.

The situation seemed horribly familiar yet also foreign. It was the uncertainly between the two that he found the most disturbing. He was struggling to work out where he was and why he was hooked up to all these machines that pumped him full of shit.

This had happened to him before. He groaned. "No…no," he muttered he couldn't do this again. Memories plagued him. He tried to fight against them. He lashed out at invisible bodies around him trying to get them away from him.

The doctor who had been monitoring Sands through the small glass panel noticed this. He made his way quickly to his room just as Sands was in the midst of a horrific terror of a past experience.

_He tried to fight against them. He didn't want another one. "Just take it," the cold voice coaxed the six year old boy. The boy lay on the floor tears threatening to fall. He fought them back he had learnt by now crying only made everything worse. _

"_No please," he protested weakly before he could stop himself._

"_I've had enough of this. Now just bloody take it. Before he could struggle of protest any further the pill was forced into his move. A hand clamped over his mouth leaving him no other option than to swallow._

"_Good boy," he said._

_There was a blackness covering him. He didn't fight it. He didn't see the point in fighting it. He knew there was no way he was going to win. He just wished he could understand why his father insisted he took these pills. He never found out, although he had a few ideas. He didn't even want to think about them._

The doctor looked worriedly at the machine that was monitoring his brain activity. He didn't like what he saw. The activity gave him an idea that the patient was awake but was clearly in the midst of a deep terror or flashback.

Sands was confused. Similar things had happened to him when he was taken away from his parents. They gave him things like that. They did the same thing. They said they were going to help him but they were doing the same things to him.

Why was it happening again now? Who was it that was doing this to him? Was it his parents? No it couldn't be they were gone weren't they? Then that must mean he was back in that place. He wasn't sure what was worse.

He came back to reality a little and realised someone was watching him. He opened his eyes and saw a doctor standing over him. "Get out," he demanded. His voice soundly worryingly shaky even to him.

"Sheldon, please relax. I only want to help you," the doctor said as he furiously scribbled down notes on him.

"_I only want to help you…"_

The words triggered many bad memories. Years ago, the last time he had been there all the doctors kept saying they wanted to help him. They pumped him full of drugs. They kept trying to make him remember what he didn't want to remember. He couldn't deal with this again but he couldn't break either. That left him the big problem of what could he do?

The doctor continued to watch Sands with more and more unease. He knew he had a lot of works to do with Sands.


	10. What does it mean?

**Chapter10 What does it mean?**

**Thank you, so much for the reviews please keep them coming.**

**Disclaimer**

**Oddly enough I still don't own OUATIM.**

Jason sat in his living room biting his nails. Sands had been gone for just over three days. He still didn't know where he was. A small part of him had a horrible feeling he had been sent back to Home. Jason knew how much Sands hated it there. It pained him to think of him there. He hated Sand's foster parents for doing this to him. He knew that hadn't got on at times but he never thought they would send him back there.

A bigger part of him hated himself. If he hadn't been so stupid and selfish this would never have happened. Why did he have to talk Sands into getting the piercing? Although he knew Sands wasn't the type of person to do something for someone else. He wasn't easily swayed by other, he was a stubborn bastard and they both new it but he still hated himself for even suggesting the idea. All because he wanted a little extra sensation in their activities Sands had been made to pay the price.

Sands had never gone into any detail about his past. Jason had come to accept it was a discussion that was not up for discussion. Somehow he got the feeling Sands had suffered a lot at the hands of his parents making it difficult for him to love or trust anyone incase he got hurt again. That was why he hated himself; he had caused Sands hurt even if it was unintentional he had hurt him.

"What are you sitting mopping about?" his mother snapped as she entered the room.

He looked up at her. "Nothing," he muttered.

Her mother stared at him and shook her head. She knew it was Sands that was causing him this upset. A small part of her had the feeling there was a little more to their relationship then she had first thought. That was why she didn't tell him where Sands was. If her suspicions were true then this wasn't something she wished to encourage.

She hoped it was something that would pass with time. She was not a believer of the clichéd phrase "absence makes the heart grow fonder." She believed this infatuation Jason may have for Sands would pass when he wasn't around him. She was a believer of, "out of sight out of mind" She decided it was just a phase. He was just confused. She honestly believed it was for the best that he didn't see Sands again.

She did feel sorry for the boy. It was obvious he had, had a bad upbringing but her son's best interests came first and she honestly believed it was within her son's best interests if he didn't see him again.

Jason sat in his room trying to forget about Sands. In reality that was not quite true. There was no way he could forget about Sands even if he wanted to. He didn't want to forget about Sands he just hated that he was all he could think about because it hurt him so much.

He was only just beginning to realise how deep his feelings for Sands really were. He wasn't even sure if Sands felt the same about him. It upset him more still to think that given the circumstances it may not matter either way.

He couldn't shift the memory of their first kiss from his mind no matter how hard he tried to stop it. The scene played over and over in his mind. It wasn't something either of them expected but straight away something about it made it feel right. There was a definite connection between them that neither of them could or wanted to deny.

Jason had to find out where Sands was. He couldn't stand the thought of Sands thinking he didn't care or had forgotten about him. He wanted to show Sands that he could trust someone and he wouldn't be hurt by it.

He had a feeling his mother suspected something going on between him and Sands. He knew she would freak if she found out he was trying to find him again but he didn't care he had to see Sands.


	11. Tough Love

**Chap11 Tough Love**

**I really should be at school today but I'm ill so I thought I'd take this as a chance to update. Thank you for your reviews please keep them coming.**

**Disclaimer**

**I own nothing, maybe someone will buy me it as a get well present?**

"What is it you plan to do with him doctor?" Emma asked. They were sitting in his office sharing a lunch of soggy canteen sandwiches and flat coke.

The doctor took a bite of his sandwich pulling a slight face of disgust. "Sheldon has a number of problems. I have just been reading his case notes he said nodding towards the pile of papers on his desk.

"I know he has problems. My question was what you plan to do about these problems. As I am sure you have seen from his notes these problems have existed for some time now. You did nothing to help him last time or anything you did try was unsuccessful," Emma said wearily.

"Mrs Watson let me assure you we looking into a number of different medications that may help control his condition," the doctor answered.

"Drugs aren't the answer to everything Doctor. I would have thought it was clear from his background that these problems are more than likely derived from the problems he had as a child. We are aware of the very basic outline of his living conditions with his birth parents. What we know is bad enough but can you even begin to imagine the things he endured and has told no one about. I honestly don't think drugs are the answer here. I think we need to find a way to get him to talk about his childhood. I know we attempted to do this before but I think it's our only chance here," she said.

The doctor looked sceptically at her. "Like you said we tried this before but as you also remember it had very little success it only seemed to succeed in upsetting him more. The medication I want to try him on should help calm him and maybe in time we might be able to talk to him. I am not dismissive of therapy or some form of psychiatry. I think it is a very important and significant part in helping him. What you are failing to see however is at this stage is before we can begin to listen to him we must get him stabilised. Anything he says right now will be of no use to us and will only upset him further. We are better waiting until we calm him down. That will give us a clearer picture of what we are dealing with then we can work out the best way to treat him.

Emma stared at him in slight disbelief. "How can you say this doctor? Would you not agree that now is the best time to speak to him, without any form of medication in his system? I would have thought doing it in that way would give us a truer picture as his emotions will be nearer the surface at the moment so we might be able to get him to talk to us easier right now?" she persisted.

Again the doctor shook his head. "I can understand what you are saying but I have made up my mind. We will start Sheldon on some medication today and we will see how he is in a few days then we can begin to speak to him about his problems," he said firmly.

"Can you at least give me half an hour to speak to him. If I make some kind of process then maybe we can hold out a bit longer until we know a little more about what is going on inside his head before we start him on medication?" she asked.

The doctor sighed heavily. "Fine, you have half an hour then I start the medication," he said shooing her from his office.

"Thank you," Emma said taking her leave. The soggy sandwiches and flat coke lay forgotten on the desk.

She made her way to his room silently hoping h would talk to her. The last thing she wanted for him to but put on medication that would dull his mind and a true answer and solution would never be found to his problems. She knew that's what was going to happen if he didn't give her even a little co-operation.


	12. Silence isn't always golden

**Chap12 silence isn't always golden.**

**Thank you for the reviews please keep them coming they mean so much to me, thanks. Sorry about the delay in this chapter, writer's block and exams are not a good combination.**

**Disclaimer**

**I own nothing**

Emma walked nervously into the room. She found it a little hard to believe that a seventeen year old kid had the ability to make her this nervous. She wasn't sure what exactly it was about him that made him have this effect on her. She wondered if he was aware of the slight power he held over her. In many respects the power he had surprised her given that he was so severely put down every time he attempted to make himself known.

"Sheldon?" she asked as she approached the bed. She sighed when she did not receive an answer. "Sheldon this really is no time for your games. I really need you to work with me on this one," she said almost begging him. It wasn't until she had finished talking that she realised he was sleeping. She sighed as she looked at his sleeping form. "Please let me help, trust me it will be the best thing you can do," Emma whispered to him even although she knew he couldn't hear her.

Emma stiffened when Sands began to shift about and clearly become more unsettled. Emma sighed it was no surprise given the life he had led that he suffered nightmares. It was cruel she thought silently. He suffered enough during the day the least he could have is a little peace as he slept.

She moved slightly closer when she heard him mutter clearly disturbed at the hands of a dream or flashback. She felt guilty listening into his dream. She felt like she was invading his privacy but she knew it may be what he needed to help him so she continued to listen.

"No…all my fault…" he muttered. Emma listened closely trying to put some kind of context to his mutterings.

Sands tossed and turned feverishly as the flashback took a hold. Emma considered calling a doctor in but she held back for the time being. She knew if a doctor saw him like this he would be put straight onto medication. That was the last thing she wanted right now not when she felt she was so close in getting somewhere with him.

"No…please wake up…don't leave me…it was a mistake…" he muttered his voice starting to get louder the more worked up he got.

"_This is all your fault Sheldon!" his mother screamed at him her face just inches from his._

"_What…what is?" he whispered nervously._

"_What? What do you mean what? I had a little visitor today. Do you want to know who it was?" she asked coldly. "A social worked. A posh bloody cow from the social coming in here poking her nose about making sure everything was and I quote "ok." What made them come here Sheldon? What have you being saying about us? You ungrateful little shit just you wait till your father hears about this!" she roared slapping him hard across the face sending him reeling back swallowing blood. _

_Sands tried to regulate his breathing. He didn't even want to think about his father's reaction. "I…I honestly haven't said anything to anybody about anything," he said honestly. He might not have said anything to anyone but he had heard teachers in school talking about him. He knew better than to say anything about that to her mother or even more so to his father._

_Anger seethed within his mother. "Don't lie to me. Do not treat me like a fool!" she raged._

"_No I wasn't I…" he was cut short as his mother hit him hard across the head._

"_Just go now, get in there," she screamed ordering him to his room. _

_Sands got up quickly disappearing into his room._

"_Just you wait until your father comes home then you'll be sorry," she hollered after him._

_Sands had no idea how long he had sat in his room but he clearly remembered the feeling of dread when he heard the slam of the from door and the loud squeak as he opened his bedroom door._

Sands jerked awake panting and sweating as he tried to compose himself. When he had calmed slightly he noticed Emma in the room with him. "Get out…get out," he yelled.

"Sheldon it's alright. Listen to me I only want to help," she said soothingly.

"No..help..help? You can't help this is all your fault," he yelled.

Emma bit her lip and left the room. She was starting to think maybe her colleagues were right and she was too soft. She couldn't handle this all she wanted to was help him she just didn't know how.


	13. Burning at both ends

**Chap13 Burning at both ends**

**I'm so sorry this update took so long. Thanks for all the reviews please keep them coming, thanks.**

**Disclaimer**

**I own nothing**

Jason sat on the couch not even bothering to look up when his mother came into the room. Their already strained relationship had got worse over the past few weeks. His mother had made attempts to His mother spent the first few days attempting to establish some form of communication between them but got no where. Jason was determined to ignore her, the more she tried to talk to him the more determined he was to shut her out. She had enough and just gave up but she was getting fed up with him moping about the house all day glaring at her.

Jason refused to speak to his mother. He was fed up with her keeping information from him. Technically that wasn't true he was fed up with her keeping one thing in particular from him. She had no right to keep it from him. It was up to him if he wanted to see Sands it had nothing to do with her. He would get her to tell him he refused to let her win this.

Part of him liked to think this wasn't so much about his feelings for Sands but his want to get the better of his mother but deep down he knew a score to settle with her had little to nothing to do with it. Sands had affected him in a way he hadn't expected. He didn't want to deny his feelings for Sands he never had and he never intended to he just wasn't aware they were as strong as they were now.

He wondered if Sands felt the same. A small part of him knew he had to find out. He never would find out if his mother didn't tell him where Sands was. He was filled with a renewed feeling of determination. He wasn't going to let his mother keep treating him like a kid.

"Hello Jason have a good day?" she paused picking up the mail and opening it. Her face grew cold and she glared a Jason. "What the hell is this?" she demanded storming across the room waving a letter in front of his face.

She was waving the letter so close to his face that he couldn't read what it said but he wasn't sure now was the best time to point that out. He wasn't sure if she even wanted an answer and he knew she could get angrier at him for not answering so he didn't know what to do.

After a few minutes she started to read or more accurately shout out the letter.

_Dear Mr and Mrs Sykes,_

_I am writing this letter regarding your son Jason Alexander Sykes. I have noticed some concerning changes in your son's behaviour that I think it is time you were made aware of. Jason's attendance and test results have dropped significantly below his usual standards he has been attaining. _

_I felt this was an issue that should be brought to your attention. I feel it would be within Jason's best interests if you and Jason were to attend a meeting in my office at a time in the near future that is of most suitable to yourself. Please give me a phone on the number on the bottom of this page to arrange this date._

_I look forward to meeting you soon so we can discuss and resolve this issue._

_Yours truly,_

_Mrs Yvonne Butler._

Jason bit his lip. "Shit," he thought to himself this was the last thing he needed right now. He knew what his mother was thinking.

"As well you might sit there looking guilty Jason Alexander Sykes. What the hell are you playing at? What in the name of God is going on inside that head of yours? Do you just not care about your future? Stupid question it is clear from this letter that you don't care. Why should I care? What is it to me if you mess up the rest of your life?" she screamed.

Jason was about to answer when she started up again. "You used to care. You used to work so hard, your father and I were so proud of you, so proud. You've changed. I tried not to notice it but I refuse to go on pretending any longer. You know as well as me when this all started…"

"Don't even say it," Jason said pushing his luck.

This only succeeded in making her angrier. "Don't say what? Don't say that I blame Sheldon? Why should I not say it? You and I both know it's the truth! The change in you since you started hanging around with him is almost frightening. Do you want to know the one thing that scares me even more about it? I don't think you are even aware that you have changed. Tell me, do you know you've changed?" she demanded.

Jason was silent for a moment. "Yes, yes I know I've changed," he said. Then he thought about it. "Actually no…I've not changed. Sands just helped show me who I really am," he said.

"Who you really are? So you are a lazy bastard who doesn't give a shit about his future?" she snapped really starting to lose it with her son now.

"No," he snapped back.

"Then what are you talking about dare I ask?" she fumed.

"I'm gay mom. Alright?" he blurted out.

His mom just stared at him. "Don't give me that, it's just a phase of course your not gay," he said brushing the statement off using her hands to emphasis the point.

"No it's not. Come on mom you must have known there was something going on between us. I know you suspected something," he said. He was almost relived to get the truth out.

His mother stood shaking her head. She had suspected there was something going on but hearing it just made it all the worse to her. She just couldn't accept this.

"I…love him," he whispered.

His mom just shut her eyes silently thanking God that Jason wouldn't see Sands again. She had known he was bad news and there was no way he was letting her son have any further contact with him.


	14. To the roots

**Chap14 To the roots**

**Try not to die of shock but here I am updating again, nice and quickly for a change. Thanks for the reviews and please keep them coming.**

**Disclaimer**

**I own nothing**

"You…you what?" his mother spluttered. She couldn't believe she was hearing this.

"You heard what I said," he said seriously. He had finally voiced it and he wasn't going to back out of it or start denying it. Jason knew Sands had very few people who loved or even cared about him. He would be God damned if he went back on that now. If he did he would be just like the many people he'd cursed for their lack of love or care towards Sands.

"You don't mean that you don't even know what you are talking about. Boys your age do not even know what love is never mind actually being in love. No Jason you are not in love with Sheldon. This just a silly, stupid passing infatuation if you can even call it that. This nonsense will pass. You need to find something else to focus your interests on and you will see that I am right," she said with an air of confidence she was not altogether sure she felt.

"No, no I won't. I know what I feel why can't you just accept it?" Jason asked trying to adopt a serious but calm tone.

She stared at her son. "You…you are honestly trying to tell me you believe you are in love with him. Jason darling can I explain something to you?" she asked in a softer tone that took Jason by surprise.

"Explain what?" he asked carefully. He was not to sure where she was intending to go with this.

"It is not love you feel for Sands…" Jason made to cut her off but she put out a hand to silence him before continuing, "it' pity you feel for him. Before you jump in here to contradict me let me explain," she said warningly as she say his face darken.

Jason sighed. He could feel himself gritting his teeth no matter how hard he tried to stop himself from doing it. He was sick of his mother insisting she was right. He didn't want to hear what ever cover ups she invented to deny what they both knew was the truth.

"You and I both know that Sheldon hasn't had the easiest of upbringings. Alright we do not knew the details as it is not our need or concern to. You think you love him but you are infact feeling is a feeling of sympathy and want to give him some kind of affection," she said.

Jason couldn't listen to this. He couldn't stay silent while she said all this. She couldn't have been further from the truth if she had wanted to be. "Would you just leave it out mom. I know what I feel for Sands and nothing you say is going to change that. Oh and another thing Sands doesn't want sympathy from me you or anyone," he said hotly in defence of him.

She ran a hand through her hair. Was it true? Could her son really be a homosexual? Did he really have feelings for Sheldon? "Have you ever experienced these feelings for any other boys?" she asked carefully. She was attempting to make her tone sound casual and conversational.

"Mom now is not the time," Jason yelled.

"Jason I…" she started.

"No mom what does it matter? I know what I feel for Sands no matter what I've felt in the past." He screamed.

His mother just shook her head. She wasn't really sure what she was meant to do about this. She wasn't sure what was upsetting her more the fact that her son was a homosexual or the fact that he claimed o love someone with as much baggage and problems as Sands.

"So can you please just tell me where he is?" Jason demanded. He wondered if he had a better chance of her telling him given that he had been totally honest with her. It never occurred to him that the truth would make her all the more determined not to tell him.

"No son you do not need to know that. All you need to know is he's getting the help he needs now," she said before she could stop herself.

Jason stared at her. "What do you mean by that?" he asked his stomach filling with dread.

His mother sighed she knew she couldn't keep it from him any longer. She knew he would go on and on until he found out. She knew if she wanted to salvage any kind of a relationship with her son she had no choice. There was also a very small part of her that knew if these feeling he claimed to have for Sheldon were true then h had a right to know. "He's in a secure hospital," she said wearily.

A look of horror crossed over his face they couldn't do this to Sands. He knew how he felt about hospitals. He remembered what Sands had said about hospitals it wouldn't stop playing over and over in his head.

"_I don't like hospitals…they pump you full of shit knows what and hook you up to tons of machines. Then all these doctors come in asking all these weird questions…it…it scares the shit outta me it just feels like I have no control over anything you know. I hate not feeling like I have control…it scares me," _

Jason remembered how chilling he found those words then because they were the most open he had ever heard Sands being. He had hated the idea of Sands being so weak and scared and now it was happening again.

He could leave him like this. He refused to let Sands go through this alone. He turned on his heel and made for the door.

"Jason no," his mother called after him. She knew there was no point, nothing she said now was going to stop him from going to him.

Jason slammed the door shut behind him as he hailed a cab to take him to the hospital.


	15. Look me in the eyes

**Chapter15 Look me in the eyes**

**Thanks again for all the reviews please keep them coming. **

**Disclaimer**

**Still isn't mine**

"I'm sorry Miss Watson but you have just proved to me that you are unable to deal with Sheldon's behaviour. Please don't take that the wrong way or see it as an attack towards you. What I simply mean is that neither you nor infact anyone of us is able to deal with Sheldon's behaviour not without putting him on the necessary medication," he said adamantly.

Emma sighed. "Doctor I simply lost my temper. No wait that wasn't quite what I meant what I meant was I was a little shocked by her outburst. I simply over reacted. Please doctor you can't just give up one on one mistake made by me. Can't we just stick to the number of days that we agreed before?" she as good as begged.

Doctor Ray continued to shake his head firmly. "What you are still failing to see Miss Watson is this, we are not giving up on Sheldon. We are infact doing just the opposite of that, we are helping him," he answered.

"By turning him into a zombie, is that how you intend to solve his problems by doping him up on God knows what so he has no idea where or who he is?" she demanded boldly.

Doctor Ray sighed inwardly. "I am going to stop you right there Miss Watson. I do believe we have had this very argument before and I refuse to renter into it again. All I am going to say is this, the pills I wish to start Sheldon on will help Sheldon talk about his past. Believe it or not Mrs Watson I want to help Sheldon as much as you do.

He then went on to describe the effects the pills would have on him and how and why they would help him. Emma understood very little of what he was saying but nodded anyway. She didn't really care how the pills worked so long as they helped him she really couldn't care less.

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Emma came into the room with Sheldon when the doctors came to give him the first dose of medication. Due to his family situation Emma was the one who had to sign the form saying she agreed to him receiving the medication. "I'm so sorry Sheldon but they promised me it will help…" she said silently to him as she signed the form.

"What's going on?" Sheldon demanded when he came to discovering doctors and Emma surrounding his bed.

"It's alright Sheldon calm down," Emma said in as calm a voice as she could muster.

"I wont calm the fuck down until someone tells me what the fuck is going on," he growled.

"Were just giving you medication that will help you," a doctor answered.

A pang of guilt struck Emma as she saw Sheldon's face pale. "Dope me up you mean. You aint giving me shit you hear me? Get the fuck away from me with your drugs," he yelled.

The Doctor sighed. "Come on now Sheldon I haven't got time for your games," he stated coming closer to him.

"I'm not playing a game you are not doping me up...no way," he yelled attempting to struggle. The doctor ignored his struggling. He held him down and injected him.

Emma could hardly bear to look. "You said you were using pills," she managed to say.

The doctor rolled his eyes. "It's the same drug only this is in injection form," he said dully.

Sheldon's eyes fell on her before he passed out.

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Jason entered the hospital nerves fluttering inside him as he headed towards the reception desk. "Excuse me I am looking for a Sheldon Jeffery Sands,"

The woman gave him a ward number. Jason was a little surprised at just how easy that had been. He would have thought there was some kind of security check or series he would have to go through first. He guessed she just couldn't be bothered not that he was complaining.

He nodded his thanks to the woman behind reception who didn't even bother to acknowledge it before making his way to Sand's ward. He stood nervously outside it for a moment unsure of what to do. He finally took a deep breath and stepped inside.

He felt a chill run through him when his eyes fell on Sands. He looked so pale and was hooked up to a few beeping machines. He went slowly towards him sitting next to him on the bed. "Sand's?" he whispered taking his hand and brushing the hair from his face.

"Jas?" Sands muttered.

"I'm here my God I'm here baby and I'm staying here, right here," Jason whispered his eyes stinging with tears as he silently vowed to help him all he could.


	16. Told you i'd be here

**Chap16 Told you I'd be here**

**Hey everyone nice quick update for you I just couldn't wait to write this chapter. Can I also take this chance to ask that if you are reading this that you review it really helps the progression of this fic.**

**Disclaimer**

**Can I please own it? No? Fine, I own nothing**

Sands tried to focus on Jason but the drugs obscured his vision making the room spin violently. "How long have you been here and where the fuck have you been?" Sands asked biting back the waves of nausea searing through him.

Jason noted Sands colour had paled further since he had arrived but didn't mention it just yet but he was keeping an eye on him. "Christ baby I've missed you so much I've being going out my fucking head without you," he whispered his voice laden with his concern and worry for him.

Sands smiled then gave a slight gag. He breathed in heavily letting it pass while Jason watched in growing concern. After a few moments he spoke again. "I've missed you too but you still haven't answered my question," he stated.

"What question?" he whispered wishing he knew what Sands was feeling so he could help him. He hated not knowing how to help him.

Sands was silent and averted his gaze before whispering, "where were you why did you leave me here alone? You never came to see me like I thought you would"

Jason felt guilt sweep through him. "Christ Sands I know I keep saying it but I am so sorry. I'm sorry that it seemed like that but it was not like that not ever. I didn't know where you were no one would tell me. I swear I was going out my fucking head," he whispered.

Sands felt a little comforted when he heard this. Something about Jason's face and tone of voice told him he was telling the truth. There was a comfort in knowing there was still someone he could trust. Jason was the only thing he had clung to throughout this whole thing to stop him totally losing it. Even when he hadn't come to see him he still clung to the fine hope that he might and now he was glad he had. "So how did you find me?" he asked curiously.

Jason smirked very slightly at this. "Ah there by hangs a tale," he said.

"Oh please share," he said working very hard at trying not to be sick.

"You alright man?" Jason asked looking carefully at Sands.

"Yeah, now come on lets here this awesome story of yours," he said fondly to Jason, fuck had he missed him.

Jason nodded not really sure he believed him but he didn't want to push the issue. "Basically I was a huffy bastard for a few days then I kinda told my mom about us," he admitted omitting the part about confessing that he loved him, for now at least.

Sands laughed slightly staring at him in amusement. "Fuck me what'd she say to that?" he asked picturing the image.

"Dunno, left before she got the chance to answer. I don't think she's very pleased mind you. To be honest with you I don't really give a fuck she's not very pleased with me anyway," he said shrugging.

"Why's that then?" Sands asked softly.

He sighed slightly and told Sands about the letter from school. "Fuck them," Sands muttered.

"My very thoughts. We all went to this little meeting and let me tell you what a fucking bundle of laughs that was. To cut out all the boring bullshit basically they said I need to get my arse into gear and all the usual shit," he said shrugging again it was all so insignificant to him.

Sands sighed. He was going to say something but gave a violent gag instead. "Sands?" Jason asked urgently. "Shit," he muttered when he heard Sands cough and sit up quickly with his hand over his mouth. Jason grabbed a bowl from the bedside table and held it out for Sands. "Let it out baby," he whispered.

Sands opened his mouth and gagged vomiting violently. Jason held his hair back stroking his back. "It's ok baby…it's ok…" he whispered as Sands heaved heavily into the bowl. "Fuck," Sands muttered leaning weakly against Jason.

Jason held him close "what have those bastards done to you?" Jason asked softly.

"They doped me up the bastards," he said bitterly.

Jason sighed moving towards Sands. "Wait my mouth will taste awful," Sands said softly.

"I don't care," he whispered kissing Sands tenderly. Sands returned the kiss with just as much want in return. Slowly the kiss ended an Sands fell asleep against Jason.

Jason smiled when he saw Sands had fallen asleep. He placed him gently on the bed and just watched him closely.

"Who are you and what are you doing in here?" Doctor Ray demanded when he came into the room.

"I'm Jason and I'm here to see Sands, although I would have thought the second part would have been obvious seeing as it is his room I am in," Jason said with a shrug.

Doctor Ray didn't look amused he was not going to be spoken to like that by anybody especially not some kid. "You have no right to be here so if you could so kindly be on your way," he said crisply.

"I'm not going anywhere. I'm the only fucking person who gives a fuck about him. If you think I'm leaving him now you can think again," he said adamantly.

Doctor Ray stared at him a little surprised about his passion. "How is it that you know Sand's?" he asked.

"I'm his boyfriend," he stated. He was fed up hiding it he wanted people to know it and he would be damned if Sands felt he had to be part of some seedy little secret.

Doctor Ray stared at him. "Fine stay," he said wondering if maybe he would be able to help Sands at all.

"I intended on doing so anyway although it is a little easier with your blessing," he muttered dryly. Doctor Ray heard his comment but knew better than to rise to the bait.

Jason could have sworn he saw Sands smile slightly at his comment. Jason smiled back, "Fuck them," he whispered to him. Even although Sands appeared to be sleeping Jason had a funny feeling he was listening to him.


	17. Smells like teen spirit

**Chapter17 smells like teen spirit**

**Thank you for the reviews. If you are reading this please review it really helps me write this.**

**Disclaimer**

**Still don't own anything**

Even as Sands slept Jason kept talking to him. He wasn't very sure what he was saying after a while but he kept talking anyway. A few hours later his ramblings were interrupted by a slight shuffling from the bed. Jason shut up and watched him closely making sure he was okay or as okay as he could be in the situation. "Do you ever shut up?" Sands teased lightly his voice sounding weak.

Jason laughed slightly. "Nope not ever. I would have thought you knew that by now although for you I might be willing to make an exception," he said softly.

"No don't I'm awake now. I've been awake for a while anyway just listening just couldn't be assed replying," he said with a slight smirk.

"So you just let me rabble shit while lay there doing sweet fuck all?" he asked in a mock pissed tone.

"Yeah that sounds about right although I do have one little point to make," he said.

"Oh and what might that be?" Jason asked.

"If you are going to quote Shakespeare at least do me the honour of getting it right. I mean it's bad enough having to listen to you quote it all but to hear you quote it wrong is even worse," he teased him lightly.

Jason laughed slightly. "When the hell was I quoting Shakespeare?" he asked. He had been talking about whatever had entered his head to Sands for that long he couldn't even remember what he had been saying.

Sands offered Jason a slight smile. "I'm not sure exactly when but I think the quote you were attempting, note I say attempting to quote was: True, I talk of dreams, Which are the children of an idle brain, Begot of nothing but vain fantasy," he said quoting with ease.

"Yeah that was it," Jason said with a slight smirk. He knew Sands hate school but he did have a strong passion for literature. Sands was one of those people who could walk into an exam and pass with ease without so much as opening a book.

"Why the hell were you quoting our good friend William Shakespeare dare I even ask?" Sands asked as he reached out to pull Jason a little closer to him.

Jason sighed slightly when he remembered his reason for quoting Shakespeare. "You…you were a little unsettled at one point. I…I just wished I could take it from you. I wanted to see you happy. I know this all sounds seriously mushy crap. So then I kinda thought of that quote and I said it, got it wrong but yeah I said it anyway," Jason said shrugging.

"He is the courageous captain of complements," Sands said with a slight smirk.

"I think those drugs have messed with your head," he said kissing him.

Sands chuckled slightly when their lips parted. "The drugs have messed with my head there is not doubting that but what I just said there was yet another quotation from the great Shakespeare," he said smirking.

"You're not telling me you actually like that guys stuff are you?" he asked ludicrously.

Sands smiled again. "Well I hardly sat reading his works as a bit of light bedtime reading but the guy had talent somewhere you know?" he asked.

"Yeah I just never really got it. It doesn't really hold much appeal it's too complicated too much hidden meaning you know?" Jason said with another shrug.

"That's why I like it…I like that not everything is what it seems," Sands said in a slightly sinister tone.

Jason scooted closer to him wary incase he hurt him. "mmmm, very dark and very sexy," he muttered leaning in to kiss him. Sands returned the kiss deeply brushing the hair back from Jason's eyes. Jason moved closer again running his hand up Sand's back causing him to moan slightly. The passion between them was growing quickly. It was being escalated by the element of "forbidden fruit" in that they knew they should not be doing this here along with the fact they hadn't seen each other for a while.

Sands pulled Jason so he was almost on top of him kissing him roughly. Jason explored Sands body but was very wary of the machines. "It's alright," Sands assured him sensing his unease.

"I…I just don't want to hurt you," he admitted.

"You wont," he assured him shifting so Ryan lay next to him on the bed as his hand lingered near the bulge in his jeans. He glanced at Jason then moved his hand down.

"Fucking tease," he gasped a groan escaping the back of his throat.

Sands smirked when he felt him harden beneath his fingertips.

"You have such an effect on me," he said passionately. He cursed suddenly when he heard doctors approach the room.

"Don't think I've ever seen you move quite so fast," he whispered smirking as he finished licking his fingers seductively. Jason chuckled as he sat up on the bed next to Sands.

"Ah good to see you're awake Sheldon. How are you feeling?" he asked,

"I'd feel much better if I wasn't kept in this fucking little room day and night," he snapped. Jason moved slightly closer to Sands to show his support.

Doctor Ray sighed. "Yes well it's needed for now although pretty soon we can arrange for you to be given a walk around the hospital."

"Can't wait," he said dryly.

Jason sighed it was like they were keeping him prisoner.

Sand's eyes widened in silent fear when he saw the doctor come near him with drugs. "No…no you aren't giving me anymore of that shit," he said the fear leaking into his words.

"It's ok baby…it's okay," Jason whispered grabbing Sand's hand holding it tight,

"Fuck Jason don't let them do this…" Sands begged holding his hand tight.

Jason's chest tightened when he said this. "God if I could I would,"

"It's the same as before," the doctor said to him as he prepared the injection.

"No…" Sands yelled as he attempted to get away but couldn't because of the machines he was hooked up to.

"Sand's baby I'm here you're not alone I'm here….look listen to me…" Jason said trying to break through Sands mind and help settle him.

The doctor injected him. Sands soon became lucid as the drugs began to take effect. "It is too rash, too unadvised, too sudden," he mumbled as he felt the drugs control his body.

"What" Jason whispered to him.

"You really should study in school or at least read a little," Sands said smiling slightly as he drifted into a drug fuelled sleep.

**Oh cookies for the person knows what play Sands is quoting from let me know in your review.**


	18. One step closer

**Chapter18 One step closer**

**Thank you so much for all the reviews they mean so much please keep them coming. Oh and the quote Sands was quoting from was Romeo and Juliet. **

**Disclaimer**

**I still don't own it**

Elizabeth was furious. She knew where her son had been sneaking off to everyday. Her original plan had been to simply forbid him to see him at all. This had been her plan until her husband pointed out that it just wouldn't be possible and that as much as she hated it she couldn't control who her don say.

"Don't you give a shit that your son is fucking gay? At his age he should be out lusting after every girl he sees not professing his love for some messed up lid," she screamed.

"I never thought you would be so shallow Elizabeth. At the end of the day does it really matter?" he asked. Of course like any man he would much rather that his son was straight but he knew there was nothing he could do about it. All he could do was accept it and hope that it was just an experimental experience that would pass with time.

"I am not being shallow. I'm trying to protect him he'll get the shit kicked out of him for this," she snapped.

"That's bullshit and you know it. Today practically everybody is gay, it's about as common as walking out the door with a hat on," he said using the first example that came into his head.

"So what we just stand by and watch this happen? What are we supposed to do give them our blessings? I'm sorry but I just can't do that!" she yelled. She couldn't believe this was happening. How long would it be before all the neighbours knew and started talking? She could hear them now…

"_Did you hear about that Mrs Sykes boy?" the old woman just next door would whisper in an apparent quiet tone that clearly said she wanted everybody in the street to hear._

"_No…now what's this now?" Mrs Bartle would ask, she of course just had to know everything._

"_Oh yes I heard all about this quite the scandal!" Eva would yell joining the hustle._

"_I mean can you imagine?" Mrs Bartle would as good as screech._

"_I know…I mean what is the word coming to? I mean that Sands boy as well….his poor mother I just don't know how she's coping with all this. I mean I know I wouldn't be walking about bold as brash," Eva would say with a disgusted tut._

"_Yes…Yes I quite agree with you. I would be hiding in my house too ashamed to show my face our down the local church praying to the Lord Jesus Christ to forgive her son's soul," the old woman would say._

Then they would all nod and make noises of agreement before carrying on with the rest of their business muttering about the disgrace as they went.

She refused to have that. Elizabeth would not allow herself to be the one they all talked about and became all hush, hush the moment she approached. She knew she could loose her friends over this. No one would one to be seen with her incase they too because the ones to be talked about.

She would not have her social status ruined by her seventeen year old son. If he wanted to play love doves with Sands then he could by all means but he would no longer be living under her roof. He would need to find somewhere else to live.

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She looked up when she heard Jason come into the house. She was going to tell him now.

Jason sighed as he entered the living room. He really hadn't wanted to leave the hospital but he was told he didn't have a choice according to the staff. He didn't want to leave Sands but he promised to come back as soon as he could. Sands had smiled at this and made him promise to read even a little Shakespeare before his next visit.

"Sit down Jason," his mother said breaking through his thoughts.

"What?" Jason asked not really in the mood for another "discussion" with his mom that always ended in a massive argument.

"Were you serious about you said about Sands?" she asked.

"Yes I was," he said with any hesitation whatsoever.

"Then I'm sorry Jason but you really leave me no choice," she said sighing.

"What are you talking about?" he asked carefully.

"You're going to have to move out," she stated.

"What?" he asked totally shocked.

"I'm sorry Jason but I just can't have that under my roof…." She said carefully.

"You fucking bitch. You're willing to chuck me out on the fucking streets just so you can keep your friends, how could you be so fucking selfish?" he yelled. As much as he had always wanted to get away from his mom he didn't exactly relish the idea of being homeless.

She flinched slightly at his words but made no comment on them. "Of course I wont throw you out on the street. I'll sort you out a place," she said.

"How fucking considerate of you," he hissed going upstairs. He seriously intended on getting seriously stoned right now he needed someway of getting his mind off all this shit.

Elizabeth sighed she knew there was no point in shouting after him.

Jason sat on his bed and rolled a joint. He lay bad on his bed smoking it slowly letting it take effect.

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"When the fuck can I get out of here?" Sands demanded.

Doctor Ray raised an eyebrow at his words then noted something down.

"Do you have to note down every fucking thing I do? I'm guessing you're going to note that down as well aren't you?" he demanded. Doctor Ray looked at him but didn't note anything down. Sands was certain he just did that to piss him off.

"Now back to your question. You may get out of here when we have managed to find the correct medication for you and you have either a secure foster home to go into…"

"Like that's gonna happen," he snapped.

Doctor Ray decided not to comment on that although did nor something down causing Sands to roll his eyes before he went on speaking again. "Or there is the option of finding a secure place to live that is registered in n adults name where we can check on things every while and then," he said.

"So basically I'm never getting the fuck out of here then. Oh and the saying is "now and then" now "while and then" and one last thing where the fuck can I go for a smoke in this place?" he demanded a slight smirk playing on his features.


	19. Smoke Screen

**Chap19 Smoke screen**

**Thank you for all the reviews please keep them coming. I am aware getting a place may take much longer in reality but please stick with me in this, thanks.**

**Disclaimer**

**Still got nothing**

Jason lay on his bed not able to focus on anything. The drugs had dulled his brain. He lay on his bed in a drug fuelled hazed he could not have moved from his bed if his life depended on it. He smiled very slightly as he felt the darkness claim him and carry him off.

His mother was downstairs looking for new accommodation for her son.

"You cannot be serious!" his father yelled when he discovered her actions.

"Oh I am dead serious. We worked hard to earn our place here. Once this gets out we will be the talk of the neighbourhood. I cannot have that," she said as she looked up another number.

"He's your son," he fumed.

"Yes I realise that, this is for his good too. If he were to stay here he would be unable to leave the house. He would be talked about everywhere. Trust me this is for the good of us all," she said firmly.

"I wish no part in this," he said storming out the door before she had a chance to respond.

She spent the next few hours making a number of different phone calls as she attempted to find a place for Ryan to stay. She did not really want to kick her son out so to speak but she really did believe this was the best all round no matter how it may appear. Finally she got a place that was for rent and available in just a few short weeks.

She arranged a viewing and talk with the seller explaining that she was looking to buy quickly. After viewing the place she was able to arrange a price and move in date. It was a nice enough place. She went home planning to tell her son about the place and even take him to see it.

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Sands was getting seriously pissed off. He looked up when a doctor came in. "Good morning Sheldon," he said all to cheerfully to suit Sand's current mood.

"Maybe for you Doc, they pay you to be here," he said curtly.

Doctor Ray said nothing he was beginning to grow used to Sands biting words. As much as they were annoying they showed serious signs of improvement which was a good thing even if it was rather irritating.

"See if I don't meet these demands you have for me getting out does that seriously mean I'm stuck with you fine people till I'm eighteen?" he asked attempting to make his tone sound bored and uninterested to hide the fear that filled him from that thought,

"That is correct," Doctor Ray answered maintaining a neutral tone.

"Spiffy…" Sands said as the doctor walked out.

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Jason moaned when he heard a knocking at his door. "What?" he muttered as he dragged himself to a sit. He sighed he had one hell of a comedown.

His mother came into the room and sat on the bed next to him. "I got you a place…would you like to see it?" she asked softly.

"No," he hissed.

His mother sighed forcing herself not to shout. "Not going to see the house will not change the situation," she said.

"Nor will not going to see it," he countered. This really was the last conversation he needed to have while experiencing the comedown from hell. His mother didn't have an answer for that. As much as she hated to admit it he was right.

"You will be moving there in a few weeks," she said as she walked out the room shutting the door behind him.

"Can't wait," he hissed before passing out again.

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"You look like shit," Sands commented as Jason sat next to him on the bed.

"Thanks," Jason said offering a weak smile.

"What's wrong?" Sands asked taking his hand in his.

Jason sighed and told him.

"Holy shit…" Sand muttered. "Fuck Jason I am so sorry…look don't give all this up for me I understand…" Sands said quietly to him.

"No way Sands….you know I wont do that to you," he whispered kissing him tenderly.

Sand's smiled as their lips parted an idea came to him causing him to smile more. "Why so cheerful?" Jason asked.

"Lets just say you mother might have done us a big favour…" he said.


	20. A foot in the door

**Chap20 A foot in the door**

**Thank you for all the reviews please keep them coming.**

**Disclaimer**

**I still own nothing**

"I swear I'm going to get fucking bed sores if I stay in this fucking bed much longer," he said to Jason although everyone in the room knew his words were aimed at Doctor Ray.

"That wouldn't be a hint now would it Sheldon?" the doctor asked a hint of a smile flickering on his aging features.

"Oh congratulations bring out the gold stars the fine doctor can get a hint. Now tell me now that we are all very much aware of the fact that I want the fuck out this bed might I ask what you plan to do about it?" he asked curtly.

"I do not come to work to be spoken to in that manner," Doctor Ray said briskly.

"I tend not to come to places where they pump me full of God knows what everyday," Sands shot back.

"In quite the mood today are we not?" Doctor Ray said working very hard not to jump to the bait.

"Well call me odd but this place isn't exactly the happiest place on earth. Hate to break it to you Dysney Land bet you to that title hard luck best try a new advertising policy because that one aint gonna cut it and you're gonna get one hell of lawsuit on your hands for a seriously pissed off mouse not to mention a number of seriously mad customers…yeah not really the happiest place on earth eh?" Sands asked with a coy smirk.

Jason chuckled and leaned in to kiss him not caring if Doctor Ray was watching or not. He knew what they were so why should he be surprised if they kissed? Jason knew he wouldn't have given it a second thought if it had been a boy and girl so why should it be any different for them.

Sands pulled Jason towards him deepening the kiss.

"This isn't a party either or the back sheds at school so if you would be so kind and break it up," he said.

"Did I also mention being stuck in here has made me seriously sex deprived?" he asked him though his eyes flirted to Jason who returned the smile Sands being here had caused him the same problem.

"You'd best stop talking right there or I might just change my mind about letting you out this bed for a bit," Doctor Ray said in a slightly teasing tone,

"Fair enough but you know doing that means I'll just bug you all day doesn't really bother me," he said with a shrug.

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"Do you enjoy pissing that doctor off?" Jason asked as they stood outside the hospital smoking.

Sands inhaled deeply allowing the nicotine to take effect before he started talking. "Keeps me Sane Jas…stops me fucking killing them," he said seriously.

"Yeah well just think it wont be long till you're outta and not going just anywhere but to my…no our place, has a nice ring to it eh?" he asked smiling as he took a drag of his cigarette.

"Yeah…yeah it does," he said leaning against the wall shutting his eyes.

"You okay man?" Jason asked moving closer to him.

"Yeah just got a headache," he said although his head felt about ready to explode.

"You wanna go back to the ward?" Jason asked. This was the first time he'd been out of bed for a while and his body was still getting used to the drugs Jason knew it was a lot for Sands to take.

"No…the fresh air helps, I'll be fine," he said softly.

Jason sighed and watched Sands he was clearly in agony. Sands sank into a bench with his head in his hands shaking in pain. Jason wrapped his arms around Sands it pained him that although Sands was much better he was still not right.

Sands stayed close to Jason for a long time before he started talking again. "You know that if I move in with you there will be lots of talks with doctors and that don't you…" he asked quietly.

"No problem," he said calmly as he moved into kiss him.

"Really?" Sands asked a little shocked.

"Cowards die many times before their deaths, The valiant never taste of death but once," Ryan said with a slight smirk.

"Ah the great Shakespeare. I see you took my advice then. To be or not to be, that is the question. Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing, end them." Sands said softly.

"Show off," Jason teased as he escorted Sands back to the ward seeing he was still in great pain. He leaned in and kissed him. "We'll be fine," he said. As he headed to the door Jason paused and said Good night, good night! parting is such sweet sorrow,That I shall say good night till it be morrow."

Sands smiled slightly as he fell asleep.


	21. Get me out

**Chap21 Get me out**

**As always thank you for the reviews please keep them coming they really mean a lot.**

**Disclaimer**

**Not mine**

Sands didn't really feel like making the snide remarks he usually make when Doctor Ray came into his room. He scowled further when he saw Emma follow him. "Why is she here?" he asked dully.

"You know why she is here Sheldon," Doctor Ray answered clearly as in the mood for this as Sands was.

Before any of them had the chance to speak again Emma began to talk, "I'm here so you me and Doctor Ray can discuss this new arrangement you told him about last night."

"What is there to discuss it seems straight forward enough to me. It's the best all round you get rid of me and I get rid of you win, win, a perfect balance," Sands said coolly.

"Nothing in this world is straight forward surely you know that by now," Doctor Ray answered.

"Oh I know it…I know it all to well," he hissed. Doctor Ray watched him wondering if he was going to say anything further but it soon became apparent that he wasn't. "Why don't we just skip the apparent pleasantries and get to the point of this social gathering, what is going to happen when I leave here," he said curtly his short patience reaching an end.

"Doctor Ray will give you a last check up before you go. If the check up goes well then you will be allowed out but Doctor Ray and I will come round to speak to you and the person you are living for. You will be required to come back to the hospital every few months. Does that all sound alright to you Sheldon?" Emma asked.

"Don't really have a choice do I?" Sands snapped.

"Oh but you do," she said shrugging.

"Really?" he asked his tone brightening very slightly.

"Any other choice simply means that you wont get out but yes, yes you do have a choice," Sands just scowled at her making a point not to return a smile she had just for him.

"So are we going with that then?" Emma asked seeing his face a few seconds ago.

"Yeah," Sands said dully although inside he was excited about going to live with Jason

"Excellent then I'll leave you both too it," Emma said nodding to both of them as she left. She was glad to see things were finally starting to work in Sand's favour. She just hoped things worked out for him. He really was the sort of boy who you just wanted things to work out for him. What upset her was she more than likely saw Sands as the one thing he never wanted to be seen as, a poor little boy that everyone should feel sorry for.

"So long before I actually get out?" Sands asked his patience running out.

"That fed up with us? You're pretty much ready to go as soon as I finish here, providing all goes well here, that is " he said the slight smile in his tone returning.

Sands stayed silent through the rest of the exam hoping that everything would go well so that he could get the hell out of this hospital but even better go home to Ryan.

"The medication seems to be working well. I'll just run you off a few prescriptions I'll be back in a moment," he said. "There you go simply wait in the shop they will last a long time," Doctor Ray said as he handed the prescriptions to Sands.

"So can I go now?" Sands asked.

"Yes you can," Doctor Ray side smiling slightly at the sparkle return slightly in her eyes.

Sands got dressed and packed up his few minimal possessions.

"One last thing though," Doctor Ray said as he scanned the details Sands had given him about where he was going to be seeing.

"What?" Sands asked irritably he just wanted to get out of there.

"I'll be swinging by your new digs at 10am Tuesday, I'll see you then," Doctor Ray said.

"Can't wait," Sands said dully as he walked out the hospital and into the cafeteria to meet Jason. Doctor Ray smiled slightly on some strange level part of him was going to miss the regular banter he had with Sands each day.

"Come on then lets bust the hell outta this joint," Ryan said as Sands came towards him.

Sands smiled and kissed him. "Lets rock and roll," he said as they walked out the hospital and into the street.


	22. Calm before the storm

**Chap22 Calm before the storm?**

**Finished my final exam today! Anyway thanks for all the reviews please keep them coming.**

**Disclaimer**

**I own Jason but that's it**

"So do you want me to carry you over the threshold?" Jason teased as they stood outside what was now in effect their house.

Sands smirked. "No you're alright…although I am all for the fucking like bunnies as part of the whole moving in together tradition," he said as he lugged his small case of possessions into the house.

"mmmm….now there is an offer I cannot resist," he murmured pushing Sands towards the couch as he felt a stiffen in his trousers.

"You really thought that this was up for debate? You really believed that you had any say in this at all? Oh Jas there is so much that you still don't know about me and I shall be your personal teacher," he breathed as he began to strip Jason and pull him on top of him kissing him wildly. Jason responded fully as he kissed him with a growing urgency as his hands roamed his body. "Fuck Sands," he gasped as his errection pulsed against him. Sands smiled and moved harder against him.

Their bodies moulded together as they moved and expressed their passion and love for each other. Soon their climaxes came and they just lay in each others arms savouring the feel of each other and being together properly. "So good to have you here baby," Jason whispered as he ran his hands through Sands hair.

"It's good to be here. This is the way it should be baby," he whispered reaching up to capture Jason's lips their tongue bars giving an added sensation driving them wild for each other all over again.

"I could stay here all day," Jason muttered as he lay quite content and relaxed in Sand's arms.

"Then do baby…let me hold you…feel this with you," he mumbled. Jason smiled as he felt himself fall asleep in Sands arms. He was right his mother had done them a big favour and more than likely didn't even know it.

"Sands?" Jason muttered sleepily as he felt Sands shift from under him as he tried to get up.

"Sshh…go back to sleep," Sands whispered his voice sounding a little uneasy.

"Sands baby what is it?" Jason asked sitting up.

Sands sighed he couldn't hide this from Jason. "It's nothing…I just got to take my tablets…they make me go a bit funny…I…I say things…" said quietly as he went to get the dreaded pills.

Jason pulled him close to him when he heard him approach. "I'm here baby…don't try and face this alone…I want to help go through this with you…will you let me do that?" he asked quietly.

Sands nodded slowly then took the pills waiting for them to take effect while Jason held him silently letting him know that he was there to support him no matter what.

Jason felt Sands tighten under him. "It's okay baby…it's okay I'm here," Jason whispered soothingly as he brushed the hair back from Sand's face.

"This is all their fault…why should they be allowed to live after what they did to me…they made me what I am. They need o pay for this," he whispered his tone deadly.

Jason bit his lip holding Sands closer to him. He didn't know what to say to him. He wasn't sure how to handle the situation he silently hoped it would pass soon. He couldn't stand seeing Sands like this it pained him.

"I will kill them…" he said in all seriousness. He turned and looked into Jason's eyes. "You know I mean that right Jas. You understand why I gotta kill them don't you?" he whispered almost pleadingly.

"Who is it that you want to kill Sands?" he asked softly.

"My parents," he stated darkly. "I…I need your help though Jas please don't leave me…" he whispered suddenly sounding fearful.

Jason pulled Sands closer to him. "Of course I wont leave you baby, you know I wont," he whispered kissing him gently.

Sands returned the kiss. "I know it baby," he muttered lucidly as he relaxed against him. Jason held him close. He didn't mean what he had said about his parents did he? A slight chill ran through Jason the look in his eyes and tone of voice told him Sands was being totally serious.


	23. Silence isn't always best

**Chap23 silence isn't always best**

**I am so sorry this took so long I was hit with another bout of writer's block very tragic. I think I've finally worked out where I'm going with this so updates should be faster. As always please review**

**Disclaimer**

**No change here**

"So I guess I'm getting the door then?" Jason asked as the bell rang again and Sands showed no sign whatsoever of making any move anytime soon to answer it. Sands smirked very slightly he knew who was at the door and didn't want to see them so he really did have no intention of opening the door to them. To Sands opening the door to them seemed to be a way of inviting them into his home and life which was something he certainly didn't want. "That's sounds about right," Sands said dully.

Jason regarded Sands for a moment then nodded before going to the door. "Hi come on in," he said nodding to Doctor Ray and Emma as he waved a hand gesturing them into the house. "Thank you, we were beginning to think you were trying to ignore us," Emma said in an overly cheering tone that did nothing to improve Sand's mood.

"If only it were that easy," Sands said darkly from the couch as he lit a cigarette not just because he needed one but because he knew it would piss them off. He knew they would not approve of him smoking but there was nothing they could do to stop him. Sands smirked slightly to himself as he say their attempted to be hidden looks of displeasure. It wasn't much but it was enough to give him a bit of the control he needed along with the other thought he had been nursing.

"Charming as ever," Emma said calmly. She was determined to get this over with as quickly and as easily as was possible.

"Quite," Sands said dully as he inhaled deeply savouring the effect the nicotine was having on his system.

"How have you been Sheldon? How are you finding coping with the medication and doses yourself? Is there anything you wish to discuss with us?" Doctor Ray asked.

Sands resisted the urge not to roll his eyes. "I'm just spiffy doc," he said with a smirk.

Sands certainly did seem a lot more in control now. He nodded seeing pretty much content. He looked to Jason to see if he had anything he wished to add to the conversation.

Jason entered into a silent battle with himself. Did he tell them about Sands increasing talks of revenge and violence towards his birth parents? Part of him thought it might just be a way of him venting his anger but a small part of him feared it may be something more.

They both looked at him waiting for an answer. He could also feel Sand's on him. He couldn't do it to Sands especially if it was all for nothing. He decided he would keep silent about it for now but if it continued or seemed to be developing into something more serious then he would say something. "Is that all you'll be needing?" Jason asked politely.

"Yes that will be all for now but we will come back for an other check up in a few months," Doctor Ray said looking to Sands.

"Splendid, can't wait," Sands said dryly as they left.

"You okay baby?" Jason asked as he made his way back to him after showing them out.

He nodded. "Yeah just don't like them in our fucking house," he said pulling him towards him.

"I know baby but they're gone now," he whispered moving into his arms. Sands nodded as he held Jason close to him. That was how he wanted it to be just then. The only way he believed that could happen was if his parents were dead. It seemed like the ideal solution to all their problems. Not only would it mean that it was just him and Jason but his apparent parents would get what was coming to them. A thin smile crossed his features as he thought of this.

He glanced to Jason to ensure he was sleeping. He kissed his lips before slipping silently out of Jason's embrace so not to wake Jason. He was going to make sure they got what they deserved and he intended to enjoy and savour every second of it just as they had all those years ago when they put him through hell.

It's all about balance he thought to himself as he went silently into the kitchen taking the large knife from there and concealing it in his jeans before silently leaving the house.


	24. Blood and tears shed

**Chap24 Blood and tears shed**

**Thank you for the reviews please keep them coming. If you are reading this please drop me a line to let me know what you think it really helps a lot, thanks.**

**Disclaimer**

**I own nothing**

Jason woke up slowly and turned to face Sands. "Shit," he cursed when he saw he wasn't there. He told himself not to start worrying straight away. He searched the house his panic rising as he searched each room. He heart skipped a beat when he went into the kitchen and saw the drawer open with the knife missing. "Fuck…" he cursed loudly slamming his fist down on the table. He was too worried to even notice the pain.

He knew where Sands had gone. He was starting to wish he had mentioned what Sands had been saying to Doctor Ray and maybe then he could have stopped this. He considered phoning them now but decided against it. He just couldn't bring himself to do that to Sands even in this current situation. He wouldn't be able to stand it if Sands had to return to that hospital again. He knew there was no way Sands would be able to cope with it. That was he couldn't tell them about this. He knew it would result in Sands going back to that hospital. He just hoped his silence didn't turn out to be worse.

He knew he had to find Sands soon before he did anything stupid. Although Jason didn't see anything wrong with Sand's parents being murdered infact it was something that would make him happy, the more pain they felt the better after all they had done to Sands. What he didn't want however was for Sands to be the one to do this then have to suffer more in return.

He had to stop Sands doing this he thought frantically as he ran from the house slamming the door behind him. The only problem was he had no idea where Sands parents were and if that was defiantly where Sands was headed. The only thing he knew was he had to find Sands and quickly.

He roamed the streets looking for him but had no luck. "Shit, shit, shit!" he cursed panic beginning to fill him. He forced himself to calm down. He knew he would have no chance of finding Sands if he got himself worked up. "Come on Sands don't do this to me…" he thought to himself.

All of a sudden Jason felt very young and out of his depth. He didn't know how to handle this and he knew this was the kind of situation that had to be handed correctly or it could be made ten times worse not that he could see how it could possibly get much worse at the moment but he was sure there was a way that it could even if he couldn't stand to think of it.

It was almost impossible to try and find someone when you didn't have the slightest idea where to look or where about they were going. This was not made any easier for Jason given that time was of an essence. He was racking his brains trying to think of something, anything that would help him but kept drawing at a blank.

The only thing he could do as he searched endlessly for Sands was hope that he came to his senses and didn't do this or that he had somehow drawn the wrong conclusion and was worrying over nothing but he knew none of these were very likely as much as he long for them to be.

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Sands walked to his parents house with a smirk upon his face as he thought of all the times he had walked down this road filled with fear of what horrors awaited him when he opened the door. Now it was him that was going to have the power. Now it was his turn to inflict the suffering and fear upon them let them feel what he had felt.

He was going to make hem pay. He felt certain that would put an end to the horrors that still haunted his mind. If he punished his parents as they had made him suffer then he would be able to focus on these memories and they would ease the memories that filled his head with the shrill sound of his own screams.

Then he and Jason would be happy. They could start a totally knew life with all of their past behind where it would never be raised again. He was going to make his past totally disappear that way he would have no choice but to look into the future.


	25. Tip of the blade

**Chap25 tip of the blade**

**Sorry about the delay in update this was a really difficult chapter to write. I really need your reviews for this chapter to know what you think, thanks.**

**Also I just have to tell you all this, I got an unconditional for university to study social sciences!**

**Disclaimer**

**I don't own a thing**

Jason was just about to give up and return home hoping that Sands would come to his senses and return home without having done anything stupid. He hated himself for even allowing himself to consider going home without Sands never mind actually doing it. He didn't like the idea of Sands wondering the streets in the state of mind he was in but he also didn't care for the thought of him being alone in the house either. He didn't like any of this situation. He felt like no matter what he did he would fail Sands and he felt like he had already done that anyway. Why hadn't he said something? Why hadn't he kept a closer eye on him.

Why ,why ,why, _why _ran through his mind as such a speed that soon he wasn't even sure of the question he was attempting to answer.

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Sands made his way to the door and pounded hard on the door adrenaline pumping through him as he waited for them to answer. "Come on answer the fucking door…" he muttered to them. He let a thin smirk slip onto his features as he pictured all the pain he was going to put him through. In his mind nothing he could do to them would come close to making up for all they had put him through. Sure he more than likely deserved some of it, he was after all a "bad kid" but he didn't deserve all that they did to him…even he knew that.

"_Take your shirt off," his father said in an all too calm and controlled voice for someone holding a belt which he clearly intended to use. Sheldon knew better than to argue now. He no longer asked why his father insisted on doing this to him. He had come to accept it was because he was a bad boy and this was a punishment for the evil within him. _

_Even although he knew this it did not stop the fear as his father lashed him with his belt yelling at him for each time he cried out._

Sands felt himself physically wince as he was trapped in the flashback, "shit," he muttered to himself. Now was not the time for him to loose control. He had to remain totally focused on the task at hand. He thumped hard at the door as it still remained shut.

"No one lives there mate," a neighbour called to him as he walked past seeing Sands banging on the door.

Sands whipped round groaning this was all he fucking needed. "When did they move out?" he asked forcing his tone to maintain level. The man puffed out his cheeks as he thought. "About a year ago…lived there for about sixteen years never really knew much about them mind you no one round here really saw much of them," he said with a slight shrug.

"_that would be because they spent most of their time thrashing me or getting drunk…" _ he thought to himself. He nodded to the man as he forced himself back from the door. "Thanks mate," he said as he as good as ran down the street.

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Jason sat on edge biting his nails. "Come on Sands…" he kept muttering glancing at the clock. He was getting so desperate for Sands to walk through the door that he began carrying out stupid little tasks that he told himself if he completed Sands would walk in. He had already tried folding a piece of paper in half seven times, drinking three large glasses of water, eating dry crackers. Of course none of these things worked but he was becoming more and more anxious by the second. He swore time was on a standstill against him.

He was beginning to wonder if the rest of the world was in on some kind of practical joke against him. Every footstep or car driving up the street seemed magnified each one filling him with a false sense of hope that it might just be Sands.

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Sands had no where to go. He knew he would have to return home but that was alright he was pretty sure Jason would be worrying about him, if he cared about him as much as he claimed to of course. He would fill Jason in on his plan when he got home. He was pretty sure Jason would help him. He slowed his totally uncoordinated walk into a nice calm and controlled close to stroll home with a large grin on his face.

Jason looked up a temporary relief washing over him as he heard the door open. "Thank fuck," he muttered as he got up to greet him. "Where the fuck have you been?" Jason demanded.

Sands smirked. "I went to kill my parents Jason but you just wont believe this Jas, wait to you hear it they weren't there! I mean how fucking inconvenient is that to not be there the night I want to kill them," he said laughing and smirking manically.

Jason bit his lip he didn't like this.

Sands didn't even seem to notice Jason's worried look or if he did he didn't pay it any heed and carried on talking regardless. "We don't need to worry about that though Jas, cos we'll just need to looking for them. You can help me then when they're dead it really will mark the start of our new life together," he said in a calm and rational tone that sent shivers up and down Jason's spine.

Sands needed help, help he couldn't give him…He really didn't want to do this but he really did see no choice he had to phone Doctor Ray.

"What ya thinking there Jas?" Sands asked still grinning madly.

"What nothing…." He said quietly feeling like he'd instantly betrayed Sands but he really didn't have a choice, did he?


	26. It's all over in seconds

**Chap26 It's over in seconds**

**Thanks for the reviews, please keep them coming**

**Disclaimer**

**I don't own a thing**

"Are you sure Jas? You seem a little off are you sure everything's cool?" Sands asked meeting him straight in the eye.

"Yes...yes fine…I...I...I am just worried about you," he said. That much was true he was worried about Sands but he wasn't telling him the whole truth. He didn't want to phone Doctor Ray but there really was no other choice was there?

"Oh Jason you really do worry to much. Trust me I'm totally fine, now shut up and come here," he said shooting Jason a reassuring smile as he beckoned him towards him. Jason moved into Sands arms kissing him softly but deepening it as his hands worked their way through Sand's damp hair. "You worry too much baby," Sands murmured. Maybe Sands was right Jason thought as he scooted closer to Sands. He had spoken in the heat of the moment. He was stupid to have taken him so seriously he thought scolding himself.

"Better baby?" Sands asked still holding Jason close as their lips finally parted.

"Yeah…but can I ask you something?" Jason asked he just had to put his mind at rest. He knew he wouldn't be able to fully relax until he had asked this.

"Ask away," Sands said calmly flashing him another smile.

"You weren't being serious when you said you were going to hunt down your parents and kill them were you?" he asked.

Sands pulled back from him slightly sitting on the arm of the couch. "Of course I was. Cowards die many times before their deaths; The valiant never taste of death but once. Of all the wonders that I yet have heard, It seems to me most strange that men should fear; Seeing that death, a necessary end, Will come when it will come," he said the Shakespearean quote rolling off his tongue with ease as he brushed his damp hair back from his face.

Jason just about managed to suppress a sigh by those very words Sands had as good as sighed his fate. Jason had to phone the hospital. He had to get Sands the help he needed. What was that saying, cruel to be kind? He just hoped there was some way Sands could forgive him for this although part of him didn't think he ever could. He was the one person who knew more than anyone just how much he hated hospitals yet he was the one sending him back.

"Come lie with me," Sands muttered sleepily from the bed. Jason could see the cold dagger he felt he was pushing into Sand's back go in deeper as he approached Sands and got into bed with him. "That's better," he muttered as he drifted to sleep. Jason gently stroked Sands hair as he slept. "I'm so sorry baby…I just want to help you baby…this is the only way I can think of…Christ thank God you are sleeping you'd fucking kill me for being so soppy," he whispered as he placed a gentle kiss on Sand's lips careful not to wake him.

Jason slipped carefully from the bed and crept into the living the room shutting the door quietly behind him. He felt tears sting his eyes, he couldn't believe he was about to do this. All he could think about was Sands the last time he was in the hospital. He felt tears spilling over as Sand's words echoed in his mind.

"_I fucking hate hospitals…they make you feel so trapped…"_

"_I know baby…I know…you're doing great I'll get you out of here baby,"_

He forced himself to calm down as he picked up the phone and dialled the number of the hospital. He was so tempted to hang up but he some how forced himself not to. "Can I speak to Doctor Ray please?" he asked quietly his voice shaking slightly.

"Of course sir, a few moments please," she said. Jason bit his lip as he waited.

"Hello?" Doctor Ray's voice came through the phone.

"Hi…it's Jason I'm phoning about…Sheldon…" he whispered as tears stung his eyes.

Doctor Ray sighed slightly he knew this was going to happen at some stage. "What's happened?" he asked carefully so he could have as clear an idea of the situation before he arrived. Jason drew in a shaky breath as he began to tell him what had happened. Doctor Ray sucked in breath, this wasn't good. "Alright son…just stay calm I'll be there as soon as I can,"

"Thank you…" he whispered.

"Oh and Jason, you did the right thing, even if it doesn't feel like that right now," Doctor Ray said before he hung up.

Jason hung the phone up and shaky lit a cigarette jumping slightly when he heard footsteps behind him just how long had he been there, how much did he know? "Hey baby what you doing down here?" he asked as he came towards him his tone calm unreadable, maybe he hadn't heard anything he told himself. Sands wrapped his arms around him pulling him close to him kissing his neck. "You're so tense baby," he whispered to him.

"Headache," he lied.

Sands nodded. "Poor baby," he murmured to him as he massaged his shoulders then wrapped his arms around him pulling him very close. "You fucking lying bastard!" he hissed pressing the knife to his throat. "Don't even fucking deny it Jason. I thought I could fucking trust you but you betray me," he yelled pressing the dagger deeper into his throat almost drawing blood.

"No Sands it's not like that…" Jason whispered looking nervously at the blade.

"Shut up…just shut up," he growled keeping the dagger close to Jason's neck.

Jason tensed slightly when he heard people enter he house. "Oh look send in the clowns," he said as the medical staff came to the door. "Ok this is going to sound very clichéd but you see I wasn't exactly planning on this seeing as I didn't quite plan on old Jason here betraying me so you'll just have to go on me with this. Take one step closer and I'll kill him. Yeah sounds like a lame line out of some low budget gangster film but let me assure you this is hardly the type of statement I would come out with if I didn't mean it now is it?" he asked calmly looking Doctor Ray dead in the eyes.


	27. Keeping it cool

**Chap27 Keeping it cool**

**Can I ask if you are reading this that you do review just to let me know that you are reading it or even better to let me know what you think. **

**Disclaimer**

**I still own nothing**

Doctor Ray forced himself to remain calm while a million thoughts whizzed through of his mind none of them all together comforting. He wasn't sure what exactly it was he was expecting when he arrived but he knew it certainly wasn't this. He had come without any backup and no plan for this. He knew he had to act fast and correctly not only for his and Sand's safety but for the safety of Jason.

"Sands…" Doctor Ray began carefully.

"Just shut up. Do you really want me to cut him right here? Blood is a hell of a bitch to clean…not that it really makes that big a difference to me or you for that matter. Although a dead body on your hands…that wont look to good on your record now will it?" he asked the knife still pressed against Jason's throat as he smiled manically.

Jason was doing his best to remain calm but it isn't the easiest thing to do when the person you love and believed loved you is holding a knife to your throat threatening to kill you. "You're very quiet there Jas, what's wrong you had plenty to say before," Sands sneered as he glanced down at him. He deliberately was avoiding looking into his eyes too scared of what he would find there. He didn't want to see the fear he knew would be reflected there as well as the mix of other emotions. He knew he had to stay strong in this he couldn't afford to break now. He still couldn't believe Jason had betrayed him like this. He was the one person he thought he could trust.

"No one's talking…what's that old saying again…silence is golden?" Sands asked after a while.

"Sheldon this isn't doing anyone any good you know this come on stop this…" Doctor Ray pleaded. He didn't come any closer incase Sands kept to his word and did kill Jason. That was what made this all the more difficult to handle in many cases like this it was an empty threat that wouldn't actually be carried out but in this case he really didn't know how Sands would act.

Sands was starting to panic he was beginning to see that he had boxed himself into a corner he didn't know what to do. He didn't want to kill Jason. Even although he had betrayed him part of him knew he wouldn't be able to kill him. He cursed that weakness within him. He couldn't let that show he was not going back to that hospital. It was all Jason's fault for phoning him. He should never have let him in. He would just have to be a lot more careful about who he trusted. He still had no idea what he was going to do. He could feel panic rising within him he was loosing control of the situation he had to get it back he needed to be the one in control.

Doctor Ray noticed a slight chink in Sands demeanour. He could tell Sands was starting to realise his situation. He didn't make any movements or say anything he knew as risky as it was the only thing he could do right now was wait it out.

"Sands. I'm sorry…I…I thought I was helping you…" Jason finally attempted. Sands said nothing as he took in these words. Help him? How could that place help him? "You know how much I hate that fucking place…" Sands muttered. He could feel his control slipping around him it was too late to gain it back he was in too deep.

He looked down at the knife he was holding against Jason's neck as if seeing it for the first time. What the hell was he doing? He felt his breathing become harsh as he let the knife slip from his fingers and fall to the ground with a hard thud. "Jas…" he whispered suddenly feeling Jason's body trembling against him. "I'm so sorry….my God…what's wrong with me?" he muttered.

"_You're a bad boy Sheldon. You deserve everything I give you. You should consider yourself lucky I am as lenient as I am you deserve a lot worse than what I give you my boy," _ his father's voice screamed inside his head.

His father was right. He was a bad person. He moved to put his arms around Jason expecting him to push him away but Jason clung to him holding him tight. "It will be alright Sands…it will be alright…" he whispered.

"How…how can you be so nice to me…let me hold you after this…" he whispered.

"I…I love you," he whispered it was the only reason he had for this.

"I love you too…" Sands whispered.

Doctor Ray watched this closely and slowly entered the room. "Will you let me help you Sands?" he asked carefully. Sands looked to him and then into Jason's pleading eyes and nodded slowly.


	28. Have we not done this before?

**Chap28 Have we not done this before?**

**Once again I'm going to beg for reviews I really need to know what you think of this.**

**Disclaimer**

**I don't own a thing**

Jason was hit with an overwhelming disturbing sense of history repeating itself. He made his way to the ward Sands was in. He bit his lip as he walked in to see Sands once again doped up on a number of different drugs half of them he knew he wouldn't even be able to pronounce never mind have any idea what they were used for and what they did.

He couldn't help but still feel responsible and haunted by an aura of guilt part of him still felt like it was his fault he was in here. Even although the more rational part of him knew that wasn't true. Sand's attempt to kill him which still gave him slight shivers when he thought about it proved he was in the right place. He wasn't angry with Sands for what he had done. Sands had slipped showing him all the more that he was still in need of help. He just hoped this time he would get all the help he needed and finally get the chance of a normal life that he deserved.

Sands looked up as Jason came into the room and hovered near the bed trying to work out what Sands wanted right now. "I'm surprised you came…" he said quietly.

"Of course I came," Jason said sitting close to Sands on the bed. He had a feeling Sands wanted him close to him right now.

"I…I…just keep seeing it playing over and over in my head what I did to you….I didn't mean it Jas…Christ I didn't…I…I don't know I just flipped. I won't let it happen…I won't loose control like that again. I…I need the control and you…my God I need you…I love you…" Sands said in a soft and almost scared voice that pulled at Jason he couldn't stand to hear Sands like this.

"I'm here right here I'm not going anywhere," he whispered to him.

"I'll get the help…I can't loose control again. I need the control and you I need you," he whispered.

"It's ok baby…I'm here still here always here. Just take the help I'll be here with you all the way. We'll get through this we'll be the ones in control," he whispered to him. He was glad Sands was going to accept the help he needed. He meant what he said he would be with him all the way through this no matter what. He refused to leave him especially not now that he was willing to get the helped he was in need of.

Sands nodded as he drank in Jason's words. "Tell me about after…what we are going to do when this all over," he whispered sounding a little distant dreamy almost.

Jason nodded as he reached for Sand's hand to let him feel he was there incase he became lost in the drug fuelled haze. "After this…we can do what ever we want. It will be you and me and what we want. Sod everyone else they don't matter it's just us that matter," he whispered to him giving his hand a light squeeze. He felt himself smile slightly as Sands squeezed his hand back.

Doctor Ray was thoughtful as he observed this. He was trying to think of the angle he could guide Sands towards. For all he was a very tiring patient to work with he really wanted something good to happen for him. He had a few ideas but he couldn't really be sure of anything until he had the chance to speak to Sands when he was calmer to see what it was he wanted from life.

It was clear Sands hadn't had any chance at a life. He admired Jason it was clear he cared at lot about Sands. It was a nice thing for him to see it was nice to know he had someone he liked who evidently cared for him and wanted the best for him. He knew that if he was able to help Sands he would also be helping Jason. He would be making both Sands and Jason's life a lot easier and if that wasn't job satisfaction he just didn't know what was.

The visiting hours were over but Doctor Ray had no intention of making Jason leave. He would go down in a bit and ask him if he wanted to spend the night with Sands. He knew what the answer would be but he knew he had to go though the formality of asking but he knew that was all it was going to be, a formality.

"We're going to be okay aren't we Jason?" Sands asked quietly.

"Of course we are, better than ok," he whispered kissing him gently.


	29. Is this insane?

**Chap29 Is this insane?**

**Thanks for the reviews please keep them coming. I'm going away on holiday for a week tomorrow just incase you thought I'd ran away,**

**Disclaimer**

**Nothing is mine**

Sands stared at him as if he was completely insane. He had to be joking right, although Doctor Ray didn't really strike him as the sort of person who joked. Sands wasn't exactly his biggest fan but over all he had to admit that as far as people go Doctor Ray was not a bad person but he just didn't seem like the type of person who tended to make a lot of quick remarks and quips. "You want to get yourself a bed in here?" Sands asked him after a while.

"I'm being serious Sands," he replied calmly.

"That's what concerns me," he stated.

He sighed trying to look over his comments. "What do you think?" he asked.

"I told you I think you're off your fucking head," Sands replied with a hint of a smirk.

"I meant about what I said Sands. I want to know your thoughts on that not my mental health," he replied evenly.

Sands was sorely tempted to inform the dear doctor that I want doesn't get, a bitter truth he had learnt from a very young age. The way Sands learnt this lesson was very different from the way most young children learn this lesson. Most youngsters learnt this in the context of "no you cannot have another bag of sweets no matter how much you want them because it will give you a sore tummy." Sands learned this in the context of he wanted his father to stop beating him but that wasn't going to happen.

"I don't really know to be honest with you…I really wasn't joking when I said I thought it was insane. Where did you come up with this idea?" he asked ludicrously.

"I've been thinking about it for a while as it happens it is only recently that I see more and more sense," he answered.

"How so?" he asked in a neutral tone.

"You have a very methodical and clever way of thinking. I think what you need is a way to express these things and put them towards something positive," he tried to explain.

"By putting to use you mean me joining the CIA, the central intelligence agency?" he asked it sounded even funnier when he said it out loud than it did in his head and it was close to hysterical in his head.

"Yes they are always on the look out for people who process skills such as yours," he said with a hint of encouragement to his voice.

This conversation was a little strange to Sands. This conversation was the closest thing he had ever had to a parental talk about his welfare and plans for the future. He was so used to people not giving a shit about him nevermind caring about his plans for the future. The nearest people had come to caring about his future was wondering how long it would take him to disappear from their lives. "You are being serious about this aren't you?" he asked after a while as it seemed to register with him.

"Yes I am," he answered in what could be taken as a kind tone.

When he stopped to give it some serious thought the idea didn't sound that bad to him. He would be tried how to carry a gun and how to kill people. He was being paid to do it. He had never really given his future any thought before he had always been too busy attempting to deal with the present.

"Do you want me to get you some more information on joining?" he asked. By approaching the situation this way Sands would not feel he was being forced into anything but had a chance to find out more about it.

Sands hesitated for a second and then nodded. What would be the harm in finding out more about it? Just because he was getting more information did not mean he had made any serious decisions that he had no way of getting out of he reminded himself.

Doctor Ray nodded and left to gather the relevant information for Sands to make the decision they both privately knew he had already made but they both went through the required motions.

When Sands was alone he muttered to himself, "my name is Sheldon Jeffrey Sands and I work for the Central Intelligence Agency." He smirked slightly he liked the way it sounded he was livin' la vida loca.


	30. Only the journey is writen

**Chap30 only the journey is written**

**Sorry this took so long thanks for the reviews and as always please keep them coming.**

**Disclaimer**

**Still don't own anything**

The more Sands thought about it the more appeal working for the CIA held to him. He hadn't really read all the paperwork Doctor Ray had ever so kindly fetched for him. All he knew was it had something to do with the government and having power over people and being paid to pack heat and kill people. At this exact moment Sands couldn't think of a better job it was right up there with kids dreams of being pirates or famous rocks stars.

The appeal of the job was heightened further by the fact that it gave his life a purpose, a direction. That had been something that had always scared Sands not that he made it known to anyone else of course was the lack of direction that his life had. He had spent so much of his life just attempting to hang onto it and had spent many hours since wondering why he had fought so hard for this life all it seemed to do was deal him one bad hand after another.

The reason Sands hadn't given up before now was that he was a fighter, a survivor. The bad hands he had been dealt in life taught him that if he wanted to get anywhere in life he had to take the shit he had and somehow make it work for him and sometimes wherever possible work it to his advantage. The thing that troubled him the most throughout all of this was the uncertainly of where all this was going and what he was wanting to gain from this. Sands had seen there was more to be achieved out of life. Sands hated knowing there was more he could achieve but not knowing what he wanted to achieve and how to make it work in his favour.

He believed the world owed him a lot after all the shit he'd been forced to deal with it all came back to this interesting idea of balance Sands had. The scales weight against him right now but he would make sure the scales tipped back in his favour.

He had a direction now the only thing left for him to do now was play the situation to its full advantage so everything worked in his favour. It was only fair as far as Sands was concerned. Even if it wasn't fair he planned on doing it anyway the world had been unfair to him so why shouldn't he be unfair? Whatever way you looked at it a balance was being struck which Sands liked and intended to maintain.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

Sands smiled as he saw Jason enter the room later that day. "Hey Jas," Sands said with a real smile Jason believed was impossible to see on Sands in this place.

"Hey, you seem happy," Jason commented returning the smile.

"Not a crime is it, even I can be happy," he said still smiling.

"Only if you don't tell me what the hell you're so damn happy about you know how much I hate not knowing things," Jason answered.

Sands smirked. "Oh you know you shouldn't have said that to me it just makes it all the more tempting now to tell you," Sands said with a coy smirk.

"Come on just tell me," Jason said close to pleading.

"Persuade me," he breathed.

"Please," Jason said.

"Like I said persuade me," Sands repeated.

Jason sighed and shook his head slightly but leaned in and kissed Sands slowly and alluringly. Slowly their lips parted and Jason's eyes met Sands as he waited for him to tell him somehow he knew that was all the persuasion he needed.

"Seems I've got myself a bit of a plan for the future thanks to our dear friend Doctor Ray. He's actually not that bad a guy, just don't tell him I said that," he told Jason.

Jason smiled Sands had no idea just how happy it made Jason to hear Sands finally had his life back on track he more than most knew how much he deserved it. "So pray tell what is this plan?" he asked not a trace of mocking or patronising to his voice nothing but genuine interest and happiness for Sands laced his words.

"Well you aren't going to believe this but I am going to join the CIA," he said it still sounded slightly unbelievable to him when he said it out loud.

Jason seemed a little shocked at first but after he thought about it and had a quick read through the sheets Sands handed him he more sense it made to him. He honestly believed Sands would make a great CIA agent.

"That's great," he whispered to him as he leaned in close to kiss him deeply. He was seriously happy for Sands and that his life was back on track he just hoped that as Sands started his knew life he left space for him to join him and didn't leave him behind with all the other bad memories of his past.


	31. This is what it is

**Chap31 this is what it is**

**A nice quick update for a change. As always thank you for the reviews please keep them coming I really need to know what you think and also just to let you know this story is just about over but there will be a sequel.**

**Disclaimer**

**Still own nothing**

Most people who looked at Jason saw him as a bit of a waste of space in all honestly. Most people saw him as someone who wouldn't really amount to much. He wasn't really a bad kid so to speak so he was pretty much left alone. People never really saw the point in paying him much attention he pretty much just existed.

That never really bothered Jason much infact in many respects he liked it. He didn't like being the centre of attention. He liked that no one had any great expectations of him it meant he could never let any one down because they never really expected anything from him in the first place.

The only person who was the exception to this way of life was Sands. He wanted to do the best that he could for Sands. He wanted to be the best that he could for Sands. He was the only person whose opinions mattered to him.

"What about you, what are your plans for the future?" Sands asked pulling Jason from his thoughts.

"I…I don't really know I've never really thought about it to be honest," he said truthfully.

Sands nodded. "Weird I always had you down as someone who would have had their future all mapped out for them by that darling mother of yours," he mused.

"Oh she did have plans for my future infact you might say my plans for the future is to do anything that is the furthest thing from what my mother dearest had planned," he said with a smile.

"Ah now there's that amazing stubbornness I like so much about you. Now tell me what your future plans are that you have every intention to deviate from," he said with a coy smirk.

"She basically planned for me to go into further education get a good job and a family basically everything I have no interest in or any desire to want to do and the fact that she kept pushing that shit on me made me all the more sure that it's not what I want," he said seriously.

"What is it that you do want?" he asked looking deep into his eyes.

"I…I don't want you to forget about me," he blurted out before he could stop himself.

Sands looked totally taken aback. He wasn't sure what response he was expecting to his question but he knew that wasn't it. He couldn't believe that he honestly meant that much to Jason that he was worried he would forget about him. He had never meant that much infact before Jason he had never really meant anything to anyone.

It took him a few moments before he realized that he still hadn't answered Jason. "Jas you know how much you mean to me. You are the only person who has ever given a damn about me. You know I'm not very good at all this soppy stuff so that in itself has got to tell you how I feel about you. I will never forget about you. I don't ever really want to be in a situation where you're not there so to give me the chance to forget about you. Now like I said you know I don't sit well with the mushy stuff so I hope that has put you at ease a bit because I don't think I could say all that again," he said honestly to him. Although it had been a very difficult thing for Sands to say it was clear from his tone that he meant every word he said and that meant more to Jason than Sands could ever know.

"I'm very glad to hear that," Jason said softly as he leaned in to kiss Sands. Sands responded passionately as his hands explored his body.

"Seems having a private room has its advantages," Sands breathed as his hand moved downward caressing Jason's crotch feeling his pulsing errection under his fingertips. "Is that a-" Sands cut himself short this was no time for gentle quips or wisecracks. He wanted to savour and have Jason know the strong effect he had on him and have him know that this was in a seriousness no games or attempts at finding a balance.


	32. Smiles by bedtime

**Chap32 smiles by bedtime**

**This is the second last chapter but like I said there will be a sequel. Once again thank you for the reviews please, please keep them coming I can't stress enough how much they help. Just to let you know the underlined bold text in the letter indicates scoring out.**

**Disclaimer**

**None of it is mine**

Jason stared at the blank piece of paper before him trying to drag the words from his head onto the piece of paper sitting before him this was proving a lot harder to do than he would have thought as he wasn't really too sure what it was he wanted to say.

Part of him wondered if this would be easier face to face. He knew it more than likely would be but he didn't want to see him mother so this was the only way he had. She had never approved of anything he had done in his life and he had no guarantee or hope that this would be any different. He didn't really know why he was even bothering to tell her this perhaps it was because he deep down hoped that she would show even a smidgen of pride in him. He was her son for Christ sake he wasn't asking too much was he, he thought bitterly as he stared at the still blank paper just waiting to be filled with words.

He sighed and picked up his pen and began to write. It took him an hour to produce the final piece. He couldn't be bothered reading over it that was the final draft and he was sticking to it.

_Dear mom and dad,_

_I know it's been a while since I've made any type of contact but then again I might point out that you haven't exactly made much effort on contacting me either. _

_Anyway that's not why I'm writing this. I'm not really very good at writing letters but then you know that so I'll just get on with it. _

_I'm writing this to tell you that I finally took both yours and well I'm not sure how approving you will be of this and in truth I am not too concerned about Sands advice and have made some kind of plan towards my future. It was never my intention to waste the rest of my life as you seemed so certain was my life ambition. I took the time I did because I really didn't know what I wanted to do with the rest of my life and I did not wish to make any rash choices that I was not happy with simply to please you._

_I am happy wit the choice that I have made. I guess now I had best tell you what it is I have decided to do with the rest of my life. Believe it or not I have been accepted into a college course studying arts and design. I am not sure what career path I plan to take from it but it opens up a lot of avenues and I will be advised what career path to take as the course progresses. _

_I hope you can be happy with my choice but at the end of the day it doesn't matter if you're not because I'm happy about it and I can't wait to start. _

_Anyway that was pretty much all I wanted to say._

_**Love, from**…love _

_Jason._

He had always been a lover of arts and crafts. Sands had always gently teased him about his love for the structure of buildings and for the number of little sketches he drew on bits of paper or school desks. Even his appearance had a kind of arty creative aura to it. He had a kind of arty scruffy look that seriously turned Sands on without him actually having to say or do anything.

He had never thought about making a career out of this until Sands had suggested it to him.

_Sands watched in mild amusement as Jason sketched on a scrap piece of paper by the bed. "Here's a wild idea for you Jas," Sands said to him._

"_And what might that be?" Jason asked looking up from the Celtic design he had been sketching_

"_Why not put all those little drawings you do to use you know all that doing a job you enjoy thing?" Sands asked him._

"_Come on Sands there's no way the shit I draw could get me a job," he said shaking his head._

"_You don't know that," he stated._

_Jason sighed when it became apparent Sands wasn't going to let the issue drop. He gave it a shot and could hardly believe it when the letter came through the door offering him a place on the course._

"_Told you didn't I?" Sands said with a gentle smirk when he read the letter._

"_Yes you did," Jason breathed leaning in to kiss him._

_"The miserable have no other medicine but only hope,_" Jason muttered to himself when he thought of both his and Sand's lives. They had both been put in not very good situations but seemed now things were finally starting to work out for them.

The only thing that was scaring him was how he was finally beginning to see that perhaps Sands was right in what he said about our dear friend William Shakespeare knowing what he was talking about. He found thanks to Sands he had read a number of his works and found himself quoting from them on a fairly regular basis.

He wondered what his mother would think of his expanding taste in reading materials. He guessed that she more than likely wouldn't believe him and quite frankly my dear I don't give a damn he thought to himself.

**A/N:**

**_"The miserable have no other medicine but only hope,_" Is from Shakespeare's Measure for Measure (play I studied for my higher English)**

**there is also another famous quote in here spot it and tell me what it's from and I'll give you cookies.**

**As always please review.**


	33. Dark Light

**Chapp33 Dark light**

**This is the final chapter thank you for all the reviews please keep them coming. The sequel should be out soonish hope to see you there! Oh if you're interested the title for this fic came from HIM's song Dark Light if you haven't heard it you really should download it it's an amazing song.**

**Disclaimer**

**Still got nothing**

Sands couldn't believe it this was actually happening. He had been accepted into the CIA to begin training. He had been worried they would refuse him entry based on his mental health. He didn't tell anyone that of course. There were a number of reasons behind why he would confide in any one about this the main reason being personal pride he refused to show any further signs of weakness he wasn't going to give anyone anything they could use as ammunition against him either now or in the future. He didn't voice his worry as voicing it made it sound and seem all he more real to him. His thinking seemed to be holding true as it turned out it wasn't a problem infact it was the very opposite his way of thinking was what gave him entrance into the company.

The power the company gave him deeply interested him. The only thing that concerned him was the idea of teamwork which was apparently a big part of the CIA but he sought reassurance in what he believed to the most important rule of the CIA that was not written down but was followed by every agent and officer, every man for himself. When the chips were down you got out saved your own hide…

There was an intensive training programme followed by a series of exams and tests. None of this worried Sands he was determined to do this show that he was worth something soon he could have the world thinking the way he did with just a bit of influence from him.

Doctor Ray came into the room smiled, "and the end is near and here we face the final the final curtain," he half sand, half said as he came in.

Sands stared at him as if he was totally off his head. "It sings to…oh golly I do wonder what else it can do," Sands said with a very slight smirk. Sands very rarely let his guard down around anybody but Doctor Ray had helped him he felt he could trust him slightly though there was no one except perhaps Jason that he felt he could fully trust.

Doctor Ray chuckled. "Don't think you are the only one around here who can quote do you?" he asked smiling.

Sands merited Doctor Ray with a slight laugh he found he had the tiniest smidgen of respect for the man. "O, beware, my lord of jealousy; It is the green-ey'd monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on," Sands quoted in response.

"Never thought I'd say this but part of me is gonna miss you," Doctor Ray confessed.

"Be still my beating heart you'll have me blushing in a minute," Sands teased. Although Sands did like Doctor Ray he still used teasing and quips as a way of dealing with compliments as it was not something he was used to receiving and so was not sure how to deal with them.

"Still I'm sure I'll be able to cope I'll still get to see you for check ups every six months," he said still smiling.

"Well you're just going to have to cope because I sure as hell don't plan on making anymore unscheduled visits, no offence," he said to him.

"I hope so too and likewise no offence," he said. He really did mean what he said he hoped he wouldn't see Sands apart from the visits he wanted things to keep going in the direction things seemed to be going for him.

"Ready?" Jason asked slipping into the room.

"Yes now come on lets be going," he said heading towards Jason.

Doctor Ray let another throaty chuckle escape him as Sands final parting response reached his ears, "Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow."

The meat it feeds on."


End file.
